[seeker33]

I look differently, although not much. I have small eyes (like Asian but I'm white). I'm on the lower end of normal height spectrum (150cm/female)and overweight. For some reason some people ask me if I'm disabled and want to help me when there's absolutely no reason! I've never been diagnosed with anything, I have slightly above average intelligence and I move normally.
Just 10 min ago a customer asked me "are you handicapped?" I said no and he said "yes you are you just deny it. Don't be shy I had a handicapped gf"
Similar incidents happened to me several times! It's so incredibly hurtful, it ruins my self esteem so much! I've been teased for my looks since childhood and it still continues as an adult!
No I'm not disabled, I can do anything I want! I'm not autistic, I don't have down syndrome, I'm not blind!!!

I hope everyone understands I don't mean this against these people, I'm not prejudiced but imagine how I feel when I'm "accused" of suffering from this when I don't... And it's been my whole life :-(
I'm. Almost crying while writing this.
Can anyone help me how to respond to these people and how not to be so upset?

[seeker33]

My first thought was to have pizza or even weak SH thoughts. What's worse my T is on holiday :-(

However I've decided to have a proper dinner with fiber and protein, cooked from scratch... And will force myself to exercise so I get stronger. If I did something else I would just make things worse, I would look and feel worse than I am now... Omg why do I have so many "little t's in my life?

[seesaw]

I get it. I didn't think you meant it as an offense against anyone who was, more that it's rude of other people to ask you something that's personal or treat you differently. Actually, handicap people don't like being assumed they need help either!

If someone persists like this man did, I would just say "you know, whether I am or not, and I'm not, is none of your business. My personal information is none of your business, nor am I obligated to share it with you. I am happy to assist you as a customer, so I would appreciate keeping the conversation to questions about our products/services/whatever."

I mean, frankly, what you're dealing with is super rude people. I have a service dog. Businesses can ask me two questions, legally, about my service dog. I don't mind answering those questions to staff or owners. But more often than not, I get some nosy member of the general public shouting at me "what's wrong with you?!" as if for some reason I'm obligated to tell them my diagnosis. I just flat out tell them my private medical information is none of their business. Sometimes I'm more polite than others. SOme times I point out that it's actually rude to ask a stranger their personal medical information. SOmetimes I just tell them they are rude and it's none of their business...point is, we're not obligated to be nice to people who are rude to us. It's really up to you. I wouldn't blame you if you don't have the bandwidth to deal with it every day.

Seesaw

[seeker33]

Thank you seesaw, I absolutely understand. It's so rude that people ask you about your medical info! I seriously don't understand how someone can't see this is inappropriate! They have absolutely no regard for how that person might feel. I understand when a kid under 6 or under 10 asks such a question but anyone older than that? Why would they even do that, for what reason? It's beyond me.

You're so right. Instead of being ashamed and wanting to hide under the ground I will make it about them! I will point out their rudeness and that they have no right to ask this question. I will make them embarrassed! In a polite way, of course, I'm not the type who enjoys conflict.

[seeker33]

I'm so angry

Originally Posted by seeker33

I look differently, although not much. I have small eyes (like Asian but I'm white). I'm on the lower end of normal height spectrum (150cm/female)and overweight. For some reason some people ask me if I'm disabled and want to help me when there's absolutely no reason! I've never been diagnosed with anything, I have slightly above average intelligence and I move normally.
Just 10 min ago a customer asked me "are you handicapped?" I said no and he said "yes you are you just deny it. Don't be shy I had a handicapped gf"
Similar incidents happened to me several times! It's so incredibly hurtful, it ruins my self esteem so much! I've been teased for my looks since childhood and it still continues as an adult!
No I'm not disabled, I can do anything I want! I'm not autistic, I don't have down syndrome, I'm not blind!!!

I hope everyone understands I don't mean this against these people, I'm not prejudiced but imagine how I feel when I'm "accused" of suffering from this when I don't... And it's been my whole life :-(
I'm. Almost crying while writing this.
Can anyone help me how to respond to these people and how not to be so upset?

my first thought is to show them.

if someone says.. well you can't do this, or you don't know that, prove them wrong. show them you can do it

people hate geting proved wrong... it's just a thought

I can also relate.

when I first told people about my MI, some people got the impression I was autistic, and it really hurt me.

in fact their was one woman who swore by it, and told her friends about " the autistic girl I met today"

...

not on at all

[seeker33]

Yes, I always show them I can do everything (well I don't show THEM, I just do what I would normally do for myself...
I'm sorry that you were called autistic too... I've got nothing against autistic people and I've done some reading and watching yt channels about autism and Aspergers. Just out of curiosity, I like learning new thing.
However average person has tons of misconceptions about these people and if they think you're autistic they'll treat you like retarded. When I was 15 and wanted to do my first job- delivering leaflets and adverts to mail, I got a call from the company that they don't employ "children like me". Because the driver who brought the leaflets told them I was autistic. He never spoke a single word to me, he saw me like 2 or 3 minutes! He thought so just based on the fact how I look and that I was too shy so I was quiet and let my friend talk. I was quiet because of trauma and social anxiety! And those idiots then called me to announce that! And didn't allow me to defend myself, just refused to give me the job. I guess I could have complained or something, but when you're 15 and have social anxiety you don't know how to defend yourself.

The fact is this incident still affects me today.

[sabby]

I would say to anyone who asks if you are handicapped/disabled the following:

"Why do you ask?"

I only say this because I think if you get an idea of why people keep asking you that question, there may be something you can do to change people's perceptions of you and I mean that in a good way. Or, maybe you'll just find out that people are rude sometimes and it would make it easier for you to ignore them.

IF they get more rude with you, the next best thing to say to them as far as I'm concerned is:

"Your opinion of me is none of my business."

I'm sorry this has been happening to you.

[nikon]

i can relate, and it bothered me a bit at the time but now i'm in a better space and don't really care if people perceive me like that. i'm also really short and look very young. i've had someone ask if i'm a dwarf, or if i'm "all in proportion". also someone has asked me if there's a genetic "reason" for me looking so young - as in a disorder. i take it as people just being rude and not knowing that it's idiotic to get so personal with a stranger.

Let me tell you that I have children under 10 who have enough manners not to ask that type of question. Whether you have a disability or not, it is never appropriate. If we see someone struggling, I'll offer help. If we are on a bus or train, I will move for people that require a seat. That is courtesy. Making comments is just being a douche. I'm sorry you deal with that. People never cease to amaze me.

At work, the only time I've asked someone if they want help is if it's obvious they need help, like if they're trying tog et through the door in a wheelchair and cannot hold the door for themselfs I'll ask them "want me to hold the door for you?" and hold it open for them so they can get through the door, nobody comments on my disabilities because mine are not obvious to other people and I don't tell people I have a learning difficulty and mental health problems.

Originally Posted by seeker33

Yes, I always show them I can do everything (well I don't show THEM, I just do what I would normally do for myself...
I'm sorry that you were called autistic too... I've got nothing against autistic people and I've done some reading and watching yt channels about autism and Aspergers. Just out of curiosity, I like learning new thing.
However average person has tons of misconceptions about these people and if they think you're autistic they'll treat you like retarded. When I was 15 and wanted to do my first job- delivering leaflets and adverts to mail, I got a call from the company that they don't employ "children like me". Because the driver who brought the leaflets told them I was autistic. He never spoke a single word to me, he saw me like 2 or 3 minutes! He thought so just based on the fact how I look and that I was too shy so I was quiet and let my friend talk. I was quiet because of trauma and social anxiety! And those idiots then called me to announce that! And didn't allow me to defend myself, just refused to give me the job. I guess I could have complained or something, but when you're 15 and have social anxiety you don't know how to defend yourself.

The fact is this incident still affects me today.

I am sorry this happened.

((((((hugs))))

[88Butterfly88]

I agree with Sabby, I'm also curious to know why they would ask. I'm autistic and if someone asked me if I was handicapped I'd be annoyed because it's none of their business that I'm disabled even though I am.

[seeker33]

It's because it looks like I have some physical characteristics similar to people with Down syndrome. When I was younger I was also very shy and quiet because of bullying, emotional neglect and trauma (civil war). As a young child I was very outgoing and talkative but these incidents turned me into a grey mouse who would never in her life dare to talk to an adult unless she was asked. Then I replied with one short sentence. I was like this until my uni years, maybe until age 23-25. It's been only recently that I'm able to talk to people like we are equal and I got more relaxed and can even joke with strangers.

Most people don't think I'm disabled ( or they don't say anything), because I serve about 150 customers a day and incidents like this happen once or twice a year so it's not a high percentage of people statistically. I also get called names by teenagers in the street (every few months on average), but they usually call me Chinese or cross-eyed or fat. I'm used to that, it's just a part of my life. It used to be almost daily when I was a child, so it's actually "improved" now.
I ignore it and try to forget immediately. But I'll tell you every time it stabs me in the heart. I just can't think about it because I'd lose my mind.

I've had 4 surgeries and this is the best they can do.

[Mountaindewed]

This drives me insane. I have language issues that cause people not to understand me very well. I also don’t understand people very well. I just can’t hear them very well. So I ask them to repeat themselves. The only time it’s reallly anxiety provoking is when I’m at a Chipotle’s or a subway and I’m being asked a bunch of questions at once. They have lost their temper on me before. But I am not mentally challenged. I sound like it though.

[*Laurie*]

What the what?!?!?! I am astounded that anyone would be treated that way at this time in the history of humankind. Very, very weird. Wow. Honestly, anyone who said or did what you've described - I would either look directly at the person and say, "I'm a freak and proud of it". (I really would, very calmly, very clearly.) OR I would just give the person a blank stare, shrug, and get on with my business.

And frankly, I would celebrate myself if I believed that I looked unusual (or not unusual!). Get pierced. Get tattooed. Wear awesome, outrageous clothing. Move to California where people would admire you and you would set a trend.

[seeker33]

Thanks Laurie. I've learnt to ignore such people on the outside, but my problem is how to process internally. They are two different things.

I'm not interested in tattoos or piercings, that's not my style. I just want to be normal and live a normal life. That's my dream. I've been different for too long for various reasons, another being a kind of refugee and having to move to another country because of war, where I was forced to completely change my culture and identity at the age of 5. So as soon as I formed a personality it had to be destroyed which led to some type of split personality. Thank you, not a slightest wish to be "different" again.

I know you meant well Laurie and thank you. You're a nice and kind person. These are things you couldn't have known.

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

This drives me insane. I have language issues that cause people not to understand me very well. I also don’t understand people very well. I just can’t hear them very well. So I ask them to repeat themselves. The only time it’s reallly anxiety provoking is when I’m at a Chipotle’s or a subway and I’m being asked a bunch of questions at once. They have lost their temper on me before. But I am not mentally challenged. I sound like it though.

That must be extremely difficult for you, Mountaindewed

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by seeker33

Thanks Laurie. I've learnt to ignore such people on the outside, but my problem is how to process internally. They are two different things.

I'm not interested in tattoos or piercings, that's not my style. I just want to be normal and live a normal life. That's my dream. I've been different for too long for various reasons, another being a kind of refugee and having to move to another country because of war, where I was forced to completely change my culture and identity at the age of 5. So as soon as I formed a personality it had to be destroyed which led to some type of split personality. Thank you, not a slightest wish to be "different" again.

I know you meant well Laurie and thank you. You're a nice and kind person. These are things you couldn't have known.

I am so, so sorry if I crossed a line and offended you in any way. I was kind-of playing around with my words. I do mean well; I feel terrible for the experiences you've had with thoughtless people. Of course, where we live has so much - probably way too much - influence upon how we're treated, how we feel about how we're treated, and so on. I hope and pray that somehow, no one mistreats you ever again...or that if they do, you are not hurt by their thoughtlessness.

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I am so, so sorry if I crossed a line and offended you in any way. I was kind-of playing around with my words. I do mean well; I feel terrible for the experiences you've had with thoughtless people. Of course, where we live has so much - probably way too much - influence upon how we're treated, how we feel about how we're treated, and so on. I hope and pray that somehow, no one mistreats you ever again...or that if they do, you are not hurt by their thoughtlessness.

Don't worry, you haven't offended me in any way
I was just trying to explain that "being different" is a huge trigger for me. Maybe some day I'll share my story about how I physically felt a different soul enter my body at the age of 8 or 9. That was because the difference I felt was so huge that my original soul had to die. Now she lives on another planet, with Snow White. Only sometimes she visits... Maybe like an angel... to see what's happening but she doesn't want to return, she feels safe there on her own planet. Like Little Prince.

I appreciate your answer and I understand what you meant :-)
Thank you for your nice wish Laurie

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by seeker33

Don't worry, you haven't offended me in any way
I was just trying to explain that "being different" is a huge trigger for me. Maybe some day I'll share my story about how I physically felt a different soul enter my body at the age of 8 or 9. That was because the difference I felt was so huge that my original soul had to die. Now she lives on another planet, with Snow White. Only sometimes she visits... Maybe like an angel... to see what's happening but she doesn't want to return, she feels safe there on her own planet. Like Little Prince.

I appreciate your answer and I understand what you meant :-)
Thank you for your nice wish Laurie

Some years ago my little girl self spent most of her time in a closet where she felt safe and happy.

[sabby]

Hi seeker33,

Maybe you can wrap your mind around this and it may help you internally too...

"My normal may not be your normal but that's okay because it's MY normal!"

Normal is not specific. Normal to me may not be normal to you and vice versa. That doesn't mean anything bad or wrong, just different and I don't know about you, but I love different!

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by sabby

Hi seeker33,

Maybe you can wrap your mind around this and it may help you internally too...

"My normal may not be your normal but that's okay because it's MY normal!"

Normal is not specific. Normal to me may not be normal to you and vice versa. That doesn't mean anything bad or wrong, just different and I don't know about you, but I love different!

Thank you for this post, sabby. I was trying to say something like this, but botched it.

[seeker33]

Originally Posted by sabby

Hi seeker33,

Maybe you can wrap your mind around this and it may help you internally too...

"My normal may not be your normal but that's okay because it's MY normal!"

Normal is not specific. Normal to me may not be normal to you and vice versa. That doesn't mean anything bad or wrong, just different and I don't know about you, but I love different!

Thank you sabby :-)