Son's wedding, question about gifts

My son is getting married this autumn. It's going to be a small, very informal ceremony at the home of his fiancee's parents. I'm super anxious because I've never been to a wedding and we haven't met her family. Frankly, based on what future DIL tells me about them they sound kind of imposing, lol, although she's very easy going.

Anyway, even though it's months away I'm stressing about the planning. I have to book a place to stay nearby since it's hours from where we live, pick something to wear, etc. Even though my husband and I know what we're giving the couple as a wedding gift it suddenly occurred to me that we should give a gift to our future DIL's parents. Is it customary to do this? Either way, it would feel odd to show up at their house empty-handed. I thought of a food item but they're hosting a big dinner at the house afterward, so not sure if that's right. I'm terrible when it comes to gift giving ideas unless I know someone really well. Any ideas would be appreciated.

your family gathering photo with DIL included would be heart warming to them I think

I don't think a gift for DIL's parents is required as such but that is a very thoughtful idea. I was raised in a culture where "you never show up to someone's home with your two arms at one length!" A food item would be okay...gifts are really more about gestures anyway, right? Anyone who wouldn't graciously accept a gift (particularly from someone they don't know well) has some unpleasant issues. Other ideas....hmm, I admit I'm not so great at gift ideas for someone I don't know. What about an item for their home...a nice vase or picture frame or something? Are they drinkers? A nice bottle of wine or whiskey is an easy one...if they're into that. Try not to put a lot of pressure on yourself. The wedding is about celebrating togetherness, right? If you focus on that and a pleasant spirit, you can't go wrong.

When I got married, I did not have a bridal shower or a gift registry. I desired people's company, not their money/gifts. Personally, I find those traditions a bit off but most people around me thought I couldn't possibly be a bride without requiring gifts and money. Now apparently you aren't supposed to have a baby without organizing at least one or two days where people are required to shower you with gifts....I knew one woman who had four baby showers....colleagues, neighbors, close friends, and family. All I can say is ?

SilverTrees, yeah I too was raised that way about not showing up at someone's home empty handed. You're so right about the togetherness being what's important. Thank you for the ideas and I'll try not to stress too much. I really tend to overthink things!

Yes do get a gift, something that could be used in the house. I don’t know your budget so I can’t advice on
that but I’d never show up empty handed. I’d consider it impolite

I tend to overthink things too. You are likely higher on the empathy scale...a blessing and a curse!

Wedding or not, I never show up at someone's home empty handed. Even if it's a bottle of very nice wine I take something with me.

Feridust, I have been thinking long and hard about this. It has occurred to me that the answer actually depends on you and your involvement in the wedding plans.

In what manner are you contributing to the planning and carrying out of this wedding and reception? I mean not just the contribution of time but the contribution of money? Yes, you need to provide a gift. It should then reflect the contribution(s) you have and have not made. If they have basically done all the planning and are footing the bill you need to provide them a gift that recognises this. It would have to be pretty substantial. Me, I would give what money I could afford. On the contrary, if you have been part of the planning process and been contributing towards the cost of the day then you merely need acknowledge the other parents. That very fine bottle of wine will more than suffice if you are thusly on equal footing.

I was raised to bring a gift to the host depending on circumstance. This would be one of those. Some type of housewarming gift would be appropriate in my opinion. Saw wine mentioned, that to me, would depend on if they drink. A plant or flowers could also suffice.

If you end up deciding to give a gift to her family, maybe you can ask your DIL what to give them? I've never been involved in a wedding proccess, so perhaps that would be considered unusual or off putting. But it would show that you're thinking about them, which you already have been, I don't see how that couldn't be appreciated.

Get your son to do some research . He's in the best position to find out what they would appreciate in a tactful manner: he can ask his future wife or simply snoop around when he next visits the in-laws.

Something small would surely be appreciated, like some flowers.