Would you rather deal with someone who yells or someone who is sarcastic when angry?

Just out of curiosity, would you rather deal with someone who yells at you or someone who is sarcastic but calmer when they're angry? I've experienced both kinds of people and as much as I don't like either one, I think I'd rather deal with a sarcastic but calm person when they're mad rather than yelling. I associate someone screaming at your face with the person loosing control of their behavior and lashing out, it used to be I would be hit so that's why I am leery around someone who yells. I don't like sarcasm either but I'd rather deal with someone who is sarcastic but calm since I don't get the feeling they're about to lose control and start hitting. I don't feel like I could be hurt when someone is just giving backhanded compliments or condescending remarks since they're maintaining control.

Everyone is different and some may prefer someone yell at them than be sarcastic. Trust me, I don't like either one but when someone starts legitimately screaming then I start to tense up and worry they will either strike me or start throwing stuff around which I've seen before as well. At least someone who is calm and sarcastic is maintaining their behavior, they aren't about to lose it completely so I find it easier to handle despite their backhanded compliments and may even find it easier to talk to and reason with. Someone who is screaming has no logic or reasoning. What are your opinions on dealing with someone who is sarcastic and condescending as opposed to someone who yells? Just wondered what you guys thought. I don't like either one but I would choose a sarcastic but calmer person over someone who may lose it altogether.

Sarcasm since it often flys right over my head.

It depends on the person though too. If my mom yells at me I'm just like "whatever" if its a boss yelling then it bothers me.

The sarcasm also goes over my head. So if someone wants to get through to me, they would have to yell. But I have not experienced physical violence. As a kid, my Dad would just yell.

Yeah I can see how it may depend on the person as well. And I used to have trouble with sarcasm but I’m able to tell if someone is being sarcastic now.

Glad you haven’t experienced violence or hitting. Then you don’t have to be weary about those who yell.

Sarcasm can be used as humour, but if not then I don’t like it much. As awful as humiliation is, it’s better than feeling unsafe.

I agree, yeah when someone is being humorous and joking around using sarcasm, that’s okay. Even I do that from time to time, but otherwise it can be embarrassing. I do agree that I’d rather feel embarrassed than feel unsafe. Someone who is being sarcastic and condescending when angry doesn’t have me on guard as someone who is screaming at the top of their lungs and even throwing stuff since that makes me on guard and ready for them to get physical.

I would rather deal with neither. What I'm used to experiencing though, in my family of origin, is yelling. I can deal with yelling. I'd just yell back. or think the person was lame for not being able to control themselves. Or tell them not to yell at me. Sarcasm is pretty much just someone being mean. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with meanness in this world.

Yeah I’d rather bot deal with either one too. I agree that yelling can be lame since you're basically loosing control of yourself which makes you look ridiculous. Being sarcastic when angry is downright mean too but at least their behavior is a big calmer. Not as much unpredictability when someone is being sarcastic while calm and it’s easier to dismiss them as well.

I can handle people screaming at me, because as a gentle soul like me with a big heart, I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with me when the person screams at me. As a retail employee they scream at the situation, not because of a character flaw.

To me, sarcastic comments undermine me. I'm a people pleaser, and sarcasm sounds like they're attacking who I am as a person. I feel like when people are sarcastic to me, they're making fun of me, the way I talk, the way I look, what I believe in, etc. I am socially awkward so I feel like I'm being subjected to criticism if people are sarcastic. I feel like it's downright rude to be sarcastic. Is the attitude really necessary? Can't you just be polite and say, "Hi, how are you, I would like XYZ, please. Thank you." That's all any transaction comes down to...I greet you, I ring you up, you leave. The whole attitude and sarcastic jester is really offensive and leaves me boiling.

In that situation, I can completely understand. When someone is sarcastic in a way that sounds like a personal attack then it makes me want to say something back. My coworkers treat me that way as if I'm stupid and it leaves me wanting to say something as well. Sarcasm can be meaner in a sense that it sounds like you're being made fun of and may leave you boiling like you said.

At this point in my life, I would walk away from either one. I have no need to deal with either of those behaviors. I dealt with sarcasm when I was first married (started AFTER the wedding) I put a stop to that rather quickly by saying STOP or get out. I have a peacefull life now & refuse to put up with anyone's crap

That's true, rdgrad. I thought about it and it is really not pleasant being yelled at, especially when it comes out of nowhere.

This. So much this. We should not have to put up with unhealthy behavior if we don't want to.


Also if it is continuous, triggering, and let's say, we are trying to work on the relationship and ask the person not to act that way when angry, if it continues, you are allowed to distance yourself, leave the relationship, whatever it is that makes things right for you.

That’s a good way to go about it. Unfortunately I can’t do it if it’s someone in authority like a boss, but I can at least mentally dismiss their behavior. I don’t have time for that crap either and there will be a time where I can permanently stay away from family members like this as well. I have walked away from random people who have no affect on my life though, I don’t let their arrogance and immature behavior control me.

Yep exactly, and it’s worse when it’s for some trivial stupid reason or no reason at all. I dealt with that a lot from my dad who used to be in the marines. I’ve had other people do it but he was the worst.

Yep I agree.

I won’t deal with neither. People who can’t communicate well when they’re angry don’t belong in my life. The older I get the higher my standard is.

Yeah same here, I hate it when people yell. To me, it shows a lack of proper communication skills. It also just makes the person look ridiculous, it draws attention and can be embarrassing for the person being yelled at. There are definitely people I will be able to stay away from once I am on my own, I have no patience for immature behavior especially when there’s no reason for the yelling.

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Originally Posted by rdgrad15 That’s a good way to go about it. Unfortunately I can’t do it if it’s someone in authority like a boss, but I can at least mentally dismiss their behavior. I don’t have time for that crap either and there will be a time where I can permanently stay away from family members like this as well. I have walked away from random people who have no affect on my life though, I don’t let their arrogance and immature behavior control me.

I get the having to deal with it at work. Just moving to another company is not that easy & who knows what one will run into at another company that might even be worse. If you can mentally dismiss it, that is wonderful.

Seriously, I used to get so fed up with my EX in my marriage that we would fight & yell often. I was that cup that was overflowing & I had no other skill I knew for handling what I was experiencing. I have found words & my voice from a better understanding now but honestly I love my peaceful life away from someone who pushed me to that point 24/7. Wasn't like that at work only at home when pushed past my limit without better skills to express myself. I was worried I would revert back to how I used to react when I had to encounter him 3 years ago with my law suit against him but my new skills won out so that was good to know I had risen to a new level of handling his crap. Still would never tolerate it on a permanent basis now though.

Yeah dealing with it in the workplace is hard. Dismissing it is the best way to go about it. If you speak up then it gives other people the power to start trouble or get you in trouble whether it is with coworkers or someone higher up with you. There’s been many occasions where I’ve wanted to tell some coworkers to treat me with more respect and to stop with certain behaviors but I know that would backfire in the workplace so I keep quiet. Also I’m glad you no longer have to put up with you ex’s crap and you shouldn't have to deal with it.

I wouldn’t want either but if I had to pick it would be sarcasm, because I find yelling very triggering. I don’t even like being near people who are yelling but not at me, it unsettles me. I absolutely hate it when adults yell at kids.

Sarcasm can be nasty, and sneaky. But it doesn’t make my heart pound with fear in the same way yelling does.

I don’t deal with either of those traits with people in my personal life and nor would I. I have encountered both behaviours (albeit rarely) as a retail assistant. It bothers me less then, they don’t know me, I don’t have an emotional investment in them. Much easier although still not nice.

Yep that’s exactly how I feel, I don’t like hearing people yell at each other as well. It puts me on edge, I’m on guard and ready to defend myself. Having someone scream bloody murder with spit flying out of their mouths while inches from my face has trained me to prepare for some altercation, I prefer sarcasm as well even though it is still not nice and more sneaky since it doesn’t put me on guard and I can actually dismiss it easier. That’s good that you rarely have to deal with that, i think screaming is a bit overboard and makes the person who is screaming look like an arrogant douche bag .

Sarcasm is nothing but cold rage.In my opinion people who use sarcasm or put downs or passive aggressive behaviours are the same as people who yell in the face.It is rage or anger expressed in two different ways. I consider both harmful. I agree yelling can lead to physical violence, sarcasm is mental violence and it will surely do a number on you.If one has to compare the lasting effects( In the case where yelling is just yelling and no physical violence is involved)Sarcasm meant to insult can leave much deeper mental scars.In my case I suffered physical violence in the hands of my mother and in later life,mental violence from her and others.In my adult life,I am mostly surrounded by people who would like the world to see them as sophisticated and mature and in control of their emotions,so they do not yell at least in public,but mostly use sarcasm to put down others.I do not like them.I stay away from them.I didn't face much yelling,but I do not like the yelling people too.

Yeah I see your point and sarcasm can have mental effects. It’s not pleasant to have passive aggressive put downs. I agree that both kinds of people show a lack of control of their feelings except that one is louder than the other. I’m sorry you suffered physical violence and I hope things have gotten better.