Denying mental illness as a coping mechanism

Yes I agree that everyone knows someone will an illness, mental illness is super common and I'm happy to educate anyone who is open minded and willing to learn. It's not the fact that people don't understand mental illness that annoys me, it's the total disregard and unwillingness to understand that gets on my nerves. I'm more understanding if someone has truly good intentions but just don't know what it's like, that's actually very common. I'll be honest, I once thought everyone experienced mental illness the same way but then I learned that's not true so I know not everyone who is not educated has bad intentions.

Yes I agree, it's the arrogant ones that I refuse to listen to. They believe they have all the right answers even though they never had any history in the psychology field or never experienced a mental illness, and there are even times when people who do have a mental illness can become arrogant. I knew someone who claimed to have depression that would tell others who were depressed how they need to just stop thinking negative thoughts and things will get better because that's what she apparently did, she would get mad at anyone who didn't take her advice. So it's not just those without mental illness that can develop an arrogant attitude, even those who do suffer can become arrogant since they believe others can move on just as easily as they can even though that's not always the case.

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Originally Posted by rdgrad15 I see where you're coming from, I know we can't expect people to always understand what those with mental illness are going through. I think the thing people with mental illness get annoyed with the most is when people act like there's no such thing as mental illness or that you can easily get over it yourself, there are some who truly believe without a shadow of a doubt that if you're depressed then that is 100 percent on you and no one else but you and that is completely your fault that you feel that way which is why those with depression feel like they have to hide how they feel.

Thing is, if those people don't touch my life personally, I really don't care about what they think or the judgments they speak. On the other hand, when one first experiences MI, they are also in the learning process & in that process can help those around them understand it better too. Those are who count in our lives.....but we also have to understand whether we have MI or not, there are just some people in this world who will never change their thinking or opinions & those we need to just write off instead of banging our heads against the wall trying to make them learn & expecting them to change

Yeah everyone is different, some people will always be stuck in their way of thinking. With those people, I just simply don't bring up the topic of mental illness.

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Originally Posted by rdgrad15 Yeah everyone is different, some people will always be stuck in their way of thinking. With those people, I just simply don't bring up the topic of mental illness.

There are lots of topics I know a lot about but never bring up unless someone starts a discussion on that topic. I am never shy about diplomatically expressing an opposing bit of information which can sometimes either lead to discussion or at least plant a seed of a differing way of thinking about it. If it falls on deaf ears.... nothing I can do about that

I think for some or maybe even many people, it's not active denial; it's poor insight into one's mental health. Perhaps it looks the same one the outside -- the person does not seek or participate in treatment or will state that they don't have a problem -- but lack of insight is not a decision. It's truly not understanding something is wrong. I learned this from reading the book "I'm Not Sick. I Don't Need Help" by Xavier Amador

I think the point of the OP is getting a bit lost. We're talking about people who feel it necessary to get up in our faces and deny that Depression/ Anxiety actually are valid medical issues, and who also feel the need to somehow deny that it exists at all.

I appreciate your metaphor about foaling horses, eskie. But I doubt many people, having witnessed you assisting with this amazing experience/ near miracle, would turn to you and say something on the order of, "You didn't just do that. Foaling horses does not exist. You shouldn't be proud of yourself; you didn't assist that mare or foal at all.". They'd be much more likely to be in awe of you, and to admire your courage and knowledge. They'd also probably leave the scene as slightly changed people, with new and different viewpoints.

The discussion is really about people's possible motives for being mental illness deniers. In my experiences with these folks, I've just peacefully handled the situation; partly out of politics, and partly because I know that they would not be moved, no matter what I had to say. They were, in large part, attempting to diminish me and my genuine health concerns---and that falls under the heading of emotional abuse, in my book. And no matter whether I'm doing well or I'm currently just treading water, I do not welcome or forgive this kind of behaviour.

I have had to give it all a lot of thought, as it's come at me from so many different directions. I am wiser than I was, and now do not simply share with casual acquaintances (even if they are very good friends of my husband) what is going on in my personal life. My mistake was to assume that they would be protective and sympathetic people. Now I know better.

The attacks that came at me from a family member were the most unforgivable, because they were definitely designed and calculated to do harm. Don't even get me started on that. (She shot her patented poisoned darts at me several times on different occasions, probably trying to goad me into losing it; a favourite cruel game of hers.) I had to endure her tortures without complaint, because she had snowed everyone in the family into believing that she was this benevolent, harmless little dolly of an old lady. But she was quite the opposite, in fact. It amounted to me being in a great deal of emotional anguish for several years, as I could not visit my aging father without also having to see this person. It was a difficult time.

I have always been curious about certain forms of mental illness. Perhaps because I was exposed to it from such a young age. I instinctively knew my brother was having some difficulties as a pre-teen and teenager, and I also suspected both of my parents drank to mask some mild and cyclical situational depressions. Friends would discuss personal concerns with me on a regular basis, because they knew I was a good confidant---someone who tried to be sensitive and supportive, and who would keep their secrets. So I was forced to think about these things fairly young, from my early teens, onward.

But I do not believe it is EVERYONE'S job to educate themselves about mental illness. I DO believe it is everyone's job to try to be humane and considerate, especially when someone is sharing potentially painful and personal information with them.

I fear for the future. People do seem to be becoming less and less civil and kind, in general. As you can tell, I've not had much luck in my dealings with other human beings. I hope I am wrong, of course, and try to stay positive about it all. As I'm forever saying, The conversation has only really just started.

Yep makes sense.

Yeah true, that can be the case as well.

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Originally Posted by cbeans I think for some or maybe even many people, it's not active denial; it's poor insight into one's mental health. Perhaps it looks the same one the outside -- the person does not seek or participate in treatment or will state that they don't have a problem -- but lack of insight is not a decision. It's truly not understanding something is wrong. I learned this from reading the book "I'm Not Sick. I Don't Need Help" by Xavier Amador

This is so true. I left my H because things got mentally & financially abusive. I left like 2100 miles away & went to therapy to help me process all I had lived with. One T said I can't diagnose but this may be what is causing your H (wasn't divorced yet) to behave the way he is behaving. Sent an email suggesting that he might get some help with his behavior issues if he looked into getting a more detailed diagnosis. He got angry but later said that he actually realized what I said might be a real possibility as I sent examples of him vs the symptoms of a diagnosis. Told him if not the diagnosis at least he would know. He never bothered but at least the seed was planted as a possibility & not in total denial (just close cause never has gotten the help he needed & pretty much has destroyed his life. Just glad I didn't hang around to be part of that destruction

Yeah I think some people may have misunderstood the point I was making. I'm not saying that we need to force people to understand mental illnesses and force them to be educated. I just think some people need to stop acting like mental illnesses don't exist and being deliberately rude and condescending to those who have it and deny that any of that exists. Also some people may deny any mental illness exists as a coping mechanism for something they're going through as a form of denial or acting like they're tough and have their life together on the outside to please other people even though they may be falling apart on the inside.

Yep denial plays a big part in it since most don't want to admit that something is wrong with them.

In the throes of deep depression (MDD), I was once told "you don't look depressed, you seem happy." Because I was out and about, and engaged in conversation. It really is very hard for most people, even those with mh issues themselves sometimes, to understand mental illness and the inner experiences of others. Mental illness related, or not.

Yeah it's difficult for people to understand.