[rechu]

I am sure others sometimes feel challenges regarding this issue. It could be interesting to share experiences and thoughts.

I just had to say no to doing a favor for someone. It’s not something I really wanted to do and it would have likely called some tension with my husband. Basically, the person asking the favor has some connections with my ex, who didn’t exactly take the break-up or me moving on to date my husband well. She had also been out of touch for quite some time and only connected because she wanted this favor. So, I feel kind of used. All I told her was I thought about her request and have decided it’s not going to work out. Going into further detail I am sure would just have her insisting or asking for more of an explanation.

I don’t know why it felt so hard in this situation though. I still felt bad, even though I owe her anything. I keep telling myself I don’t have to explain why to her. I don’t usually have issues with being direct in these situations, but this one stressed me out for some reason.

[eskielover]

I have always been good at saying no & my parents hated it. My daughter learned that if I didn't have all tge necessary details my answer would be no but she knew that if she brought me the nessary information that she could change the no to a yes but not with whining, only valid needed information.

Had a guy from high school & college try to reconnect with me a few years ago. He is married & just wanted to be friends but seriously he was rather obnoxious & I disagreed with most of his thinking. I had enough & explained why I was unfriending & blocking him. A year later he asked a mutual friend to tell me happy birthday & he wanted to communicate with me. Told the mutual friend that nothing he could say would change my mind & NO I was not going to communicate.

I am also getting much better at saying no to going places when I am just too tired from wirking on my farm & horse sitting.

Also getting good at telling a company if they don't communicate I won't consider hiring them. The retaining wall company that the foundation repair company recommended sent out a bid without comibg to my house & discussing it. I am going with a company I know & trust.

Lol....In college (around 1972) I was maybe 18, working for this strange musician guy in Burbank ,Ca (before computers). He wanted me to catalog his LP records on 3x5 cards. He stated an amount/ card & he knew how many records he had. Took it home over the weekend & completed it. When I took it back he was goingvto pay less than he agreed to. Told him he wasn't getting any of the cards unless he paid what he originally agreed to. I got the amount he originally agreed to & he got his cards. When I told my mom about it she wondered where I got my guts cause it is nothing like my family at all.

Growing up I knew my parents would never stick up for me so if I didn't learn to do it the world could care less.....so I learned to say no at a very young age

[Revenge Tour]

I try to accommodate whenever possible. However, there is one instance that will forever be etched in my brain....

Back in 2012 I took my family on vacation. When we checked into the hotel some guy approached us and gave us a sale's pitch for a timeshare. The agreement was to listen to their spiel for an hour and I'd get a $100 voucher. Sounds simple, right? Oh no. It gets better.

After and hour-and-a-half into their presentation with absolutely no end in sight, I piped up and asked if we are almost done. The associate instantly copped an attitude and asked if we were interested in purchasing a property. I told him "No." So then the dude gets his manager and the pressure tactic was on. They were aggressive and relentless. I showed some anger myself and told them I'm not here to wheel-and-deal but I want my voucher. In complete disgust they gave it to me and my wife and I bailed.

My point is it's okay to say "no" if / when you're uncomfortable. I'm all about helping your fellow man but you should never have to feel committed due to high-pressure tactics, intimidation or some perceived obligation.

[Blueowl]

I've gotten better about saying no as I've gotten older. Well, partially... when I was a kid and teenager, I had no problems saying no and establishing parameters. Somehow, in my 20s-30s I caved in - was not myself, and in two different marriages. Today, I do what makes me happy and if something does not work for me, I state so and move on. No more guilt trips. When I say no to someone I say yes to myself.

[rechu]

Well, in the end she took it okay. She asked if I had any suggestions about finding someone else, so I sent her a few ideas.

[Discombobulated]

I’ve got a lot better about saying no in work situations at least, I see it as self care, and care for my family too who are my priority. People have said no to me many times so I don’t have qualms- it’s not personal.

Glad this worked out for you and it’s good of you to advise this person too imo.

[Crazy Hitch]

I’ve learnt that the word “no” is a complete sentence.

[rechu]

Well, I know that there has been some discussion about reviving older threads. I guess that's what I'm doing here, but it's an update, so it didn't make much sense to start a new one.

---------------------


Anyways, that woman has never reached out to me again! Clearly, she only wanted contact with me for the favor I could have provided. I feel even better about my decision after that.

Now, another "blast from the past" has done something similar. I knew her from an online forum and I met her in person once when she was visiting my country. That visit was years ago and the last time I'd had any contact with her was 3-4 years ago.


She has some friend here that she can't get in touch with, I guess she only is connected with her currently through Facebook (no phone or email) and the woman isn't responding to messages. She wants me to somehow help track her down. I'm not even sure how I'd go about that. I did a quick Google search and didn't find anything beyond the Facebook page. We don't really have phone books here these days, like pretty much everywhere, and the online phone directories are useless.

She went on describing that the woman lives in the capital city in a more upscale area in an older apartment building. I mean, how is that information going to help? There are many areas like that. Am I supposed to wander around every such neighborhood with a picture of her to see if I come across anyone that looks like her? She doesn't even know what municipality the woman lives in. The capital has 32 separate municipalities. Plus, I moved out of the capital over five years ago, and she knows that.


What can I say, it was kind of annoying. As if I don't have enough other things going on in my life?


After rambling on and on in her message, at the end she FINALLY added a quick how are you doing? It's so transparent, like the other person, she only contacted me for the help she thought I could provide.

[eskielover]

Yep....nothing more to say than "I have no way to help you"

Lol....saying NO gets easier & easier all the time when they pull things like this

[rechu]

Exactly, eskie!

I sent a message saying there's nothing I can think of or do to find this woman. Surprise, surprise, I haven't heard back.

Seriously, though, why does she think that just because I live in the same country, I can somehow track her down?

[eskielover]

Lol....."clueless" is becoming the norm these days.