Jokes are fun <3

why did the monkey fal outta the tree?



becaus it was dead

lol my cuz told me this and for somereason it cracked me y all day.


ooh heresd the version i edited for sammy....

why id the monkey fall outta the tree?


because he took too many sleeping pills and got a bit drowsy.

lol SAMMY YOU SWEETIE
dot

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,'she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,'How does that feel now?

He replied:


'It feels great.............. but, I still think my thumb's broken.'

LOL Lenny - that really cracked me up.

-splitimage

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splitimage said:
LOL Lenny - that really cracked me up.

-splitimage

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Me too split...I laugh everytime I read it...its all in the image created!!!

Lenny

you guys are so funny!

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Court_Knee said:
you guys are so funny!

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Yes, laughable we are....and to be able to laugh with you at ourselves,,,oh what a wonderfull gift...

Lenny

a guy walks into a bar. ouch
lol i love that one

What did the grape say when the elephant sat on him?

Nothing, he just let out a little whine.

The Final Question

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the
final plateau.

If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.

If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000
milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.

It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its
own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:

A) the condor

B) the buzzard

C) the cuckoo

D) the vulture

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. She had used
up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that
remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. She hoped she would not
have to use it because ... Her friend was, well--blonde.

But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the
question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C:
the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith
any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And
considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the
logical thing to do.

But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude,
that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

"I need an answer," said Meredith.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Yes, that is my final answer."

And Meredith replied, "That answer is. Absolutely correct! You are
now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and
friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million
dollars.

"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.

"How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde... "Everybody knows that cuckoos
don't build nests. They live in clocks."

This one's kind of gross.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He had to work it out with a piece of paper and a pencil.

And this is a supposedly true story from a doctor:
I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."