Heard any good jokes?

Humor has played an important role in my recovery.

Having said that here are a couple of jokes I heard today.

Have you heard about the two antenna that got married?
The wedding was so-so but the reception was great!

Do you know what the termite said when he walked up to the bar?
Is this bar-tender!

How about you? Heard any good ones or bad?
Thanks,
Dennis

Those were good. Here's one from the online joke recommender (http://shadow.ieor.berkeley.edu/humor/)

A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"Yes I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!"

I dont have a joke but my 9 year old daughter said something funny today. She said she was mad at george bush. I was like oh really why? she said because he keeps making the gas price go bigger and bigger all so he can buy new stuff for his office.

I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1.
Don't change horses
until they stop running.
2.
Strike while the
bug is close.
3.
It's always darkest before
Daylight Saving Time.
4.
Never underestimate the power of
termites.
5.
You can lead a horse to water but
How?
6.
Don't bite the hand that
looks dirty.
7.
No news is
impossible
8.
A miss is as good as a
Mr.
9.
You can't teach an old dog new
Math
10.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll
stink in the morning.
11.
Love all, trust
Me.
12.
The pen is mightier than the
pigs.
13.
An idle mind is
the best way to relax.
14.
Where there's smoke there's
pollution.
15.
Happy the bride who
gets all the presents.
16.
A penny saved is
not much.
17.
Two's company, three's
the Musketeers.
18.
Don't put off till tomorrow what
you put on to go to bed.
19.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
You have to blow your nose.
20.
There are none so blind as
Stevie Wonder.
21.
Children should be seen and not
spanked or grounded.
22.
If at first you don't succeed
get new batteries.
23.
You get out of something only what you

See in the picture on the box
24.
When the blind lead the blind
get out of the way.
25.
A bird in the hand
is going to poop on you.

And the WINNER and last one!
26.
Better late than
Pregnant

Lets see What career should I choose IT or Management? They both sound so appealing! HA HA

Out of the mouths of babes!

Thats Funny!

I definately would not want to ask for $20 worth!

I like #10. Been There Done that.