[Rhapsody]

Beware of these new Computer Viruses:
========================================

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS - Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.



AIRBAG VIRUS - Can only cause harm if you are a petite computer operator who sits too close to the screen. Provides a handy ON-OFF switch in most current release.


AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS - You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Al Gore Virus - Claims that it is the Internet. Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.



ALZHEIMER'S VIRUS - It makes your computer forget where it put your files.


APPLE VIRUS - Virus-8, originally planned as a revolutionary redesign of aging but classic virus software, had to be repackaged and simplified after the original attempt failed to keep up with rapidly shifting design goals. Fortunately, the current production version can infect older Macintoshes as well as the latest models.


ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS v 1.0 - It terminates and stays resident. It'll be back!


Arnold Schwarzenegger virus v 2.0 - Now widespread in California where it wiped out the Gray Davis virus and is terminating programs left and right in the state legislature's computers.



AT&T VIRUS - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.


BILL GATES VIRUS - This dominant strain searches for desirable features in all other viruses via the internet. It then either engulfs the competing viruses or removes their access to computers until they die out.


Birthday Virus - Keeps advancing your clock by another year.
BOB DOLE VIRUS - Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be much of a threat.



Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
Bureaucrat Virus - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.



CHILD VIRUS - It constantly does annoying things, but is too cute to get rid of.


CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS v 1.0 - It runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.


Congressional Virus v 2.0 - Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.


Congressional Virus v 3.0 - Overdraws your disk space.



Couch Potato Virus - Just sits there, eating chips all day.



DEMOCRAT VIRUS - Doesn't allow you to delete inefficient programs or wasted disc space - if you try, it accuses you of being a "mean-spirited extremist".



DIET VIRUS - Allows your hard drive to lose weight by eliminating the FAT table.


DISNEY VIRUS - Everything in the computer goes Goofy.


DOLLY PARTON VIRUS - It sounds pretty good, but you'd swear your monitor looks larger and have more knobs than it used to. DEFLATE.COM removes it.

DONALD TRUMP VIRUS - Harmless unless you use online banking.


Elvis Virus - Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy and then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.


Federal Bureaucrat Virus - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.



Federal Reserve Virus - Affects performance of CDs.



Firestone Viruses - Causes mouse to explode after 10,000 miles. Flying toasters actually fly off your screen saver. Leaves chunks of its code all over the information highway.

Gallup Poll Virus - 60% of the PC's infected will lose 30% of their data 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error).

GERALDO RIVERA VIRUS - Digs dirt out of your files, but it airs the dirt for all to see. Temporarily disabled with CHAIR.EXE.



GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.


Gridlock Virus - Keeps shuffling information that it calls 'bills' between your CPU and BUS, sending messages like 'House Bill #xxxx is unacceptable to Senate'. Never gets any work done.



HEALTH CARE VIRUS - Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.



HOWARD STERN VIRUS - One of the dirtiest viruses around. It writes 4 letter words to all of your files just to annoy the operating system. It also installs an X-rated GIF on your hard drive. Very popular.


HURRICANE VIRUS - It blows away all your files, then tells you the government will help you rebuild them.


IRS Audit Virus - It comes in with very little warning, digs through all your files then sells all your worldly possessions on Ebay, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. It doubles the files on your hard drive while it states it is decreasing the number of files, increases the cost of your computer, taxes its CPU to maximum capacity, and then uses Quicken to access your bank accounts and deplete your balances.


Jerry Springer Virus - Appears on your screen and says it has something to tell you and you may not like it.



Jimmy Hoffa Virus - Nobody can find it. Your programs can never be found again.

Joke Virus - poses as a harmless list of funny computer Virus names. Is quickly passed from one user to all other users via e-mail, consequently consuming all known network resources.

MAFIA VIRUS - You don't want it, but you're afraid to get rid of it.

MARTHA STEWART VIRUS - Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.


MCI Virus v 1.0 - Encourages you to send it to your friends and family.



MCI VIRUS v 1.0 - Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.


Michael Jackson Virus v 1.0 - Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance.


MIKE TYSON VIRUS - Quits after one byte.

Mom Virus - Places a phone call to your mother every time you click on an adult website.

NIKE VIRUS - Just does it.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS - This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack- Once, if by LAN; twice if by C.



PBS VIRUS - Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for a tax deductible contribution.


Pokemon Virus - Sucks up all your money and only renders 3rd rate animation.



POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS v 1.0 - Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."


Pornography Virus - Consumes all available hard drive space, but leaves the computer's owner with a warm sense of contented well-being.



Prozac Virus - Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.


Public Transportation Virus - Makes your browser stop at every website.



Quantum Leap Virus - One day your PC is a laptop, the next day it is a Macintosh, then a Nintendo.


RICHARD SIMMONS VIRUS - Deletes FAT table.


RODNEY DANGERFIELD VIRUS - Gets no respect. Only allows data do be displayed as one-liners.

SHARON STONE VIRUS - Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.


Slacker Virus - Uses 80% of your computer's resources, yet does absolutely nothing.


SPICE GIRL VIRUS - Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.


Sprint Virus - Periodically runs sound file of a pin dropping.



STAR TREK VIRUS - Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.


Survivor Viruses - Deletes your files one by one over 13 weeks until only the most annoying one remains.



Tech Stock Virus - At the slightest hint of an error, plays a screaming panic sound and shuts down your computer.


TEENAGER VIRUS - Your PC stops every few seconds to ask for money.


TEXAS VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.


Tiger Woods Viruses - Assumes pre-eminence over other applications, which are left to operate at consistently humiliating performance levels. Beats you in every computer game you play.


TIM ALLEN VIRUS - Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

Titanic Virus - Makes your whole computer go down. You get a sinking feeling when your system crashes.


TOBACCO INDUSTRY VIRUS - It contends that there is no reliable scientific evidence that viruses can harm you computer or that it targets adolescent computer users.

WARREN BEATTY VIRUS - Constantly tries to prove its virility by attaching itself to younger or newer files.


Wonderbra Virus - Results in overflow stack.


X-FILES VIRUS - All your icons start shape-shifting.


=====================================================

[therealme]

hahahahahha..... thank you thank you......
here are ny favourite ones.

Jerry Springer Virus - Appears on your screen and says it has something to tell you and you may not like it.

SPICE GIRL VIRUS - Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

TEENAGER VIRUS - Your PC stops every few seconds to ask for money.

(((((((((((((rhapsody))))))))))))))))))

[pegasus]

Nike Virus - Just does it!

[Rhapsody]

Glad you liked them.... I came across them when I was bored last night.

Thanks for the laugh!
My favorites are:

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS v 1.0, IRS Audit Virus, Mom Virus, PAUL REVERE VIRUS, Pokemon Virus, Prozac Virus, and Quantum Leap Virus...and a lot more :P