[lenjan]

I'm on Facebook. At first it was a way to keep up with former students and my nieces and nephews, all of whom are in the 20-something range and will converse on FB more readily than via email.

Then, old farts like me started popping up -- friends from grade school on up, old neighbors, etc. That's kind of cool for awhile, but if you haven't talked to someone in 25 years, you run out of things to say fairly quickly. (Plus, I get to feeling bad because almost all of them have ended up with better careers, lives, relationships, etc, than me.)

Then there are the folks you would rather have forgotten. I got an add request from one of those the other day. (Well, it's not her I had the issue with, it was her older brother, who was evil incarnate as a kid.) They lived across the street and up from us.

I added her because there was no reason not to, really -- my grudge isn't with her, it's with her brother (yes, after all these years -- he took one action that traumatized me when we were fairly young kids, and I find those hard to forgive). But man, if I'd never heard those people's name again, I wouldn't have minded.

For you youngsters out there, is there a polite way to decline such invitations? Being old, I'm not always completely up to date on technology protocol.

Honestly. just ignore it. Usually people will just get the hint and drop off the face of the earth.

[lenjan]

But if you decline the request, are they told? Because I have a kabillion invitations for this and that group, too, and I'd like to get rid of them all. All that's stopping me is the fear of the inviters finding out I rejected them!

Dang -- I'm not projecting much, am I?

[Safron]

I don’t think there is a polite way to turn down a request to be added but simply ignoring those you don’t really want works as people often get the hint quite quickly.

Personally I never turn down an invite or a request, I accept and simply allow the contact to unfold or not at it‘s own pace.

[jbug]

I have people on my Facebook page from High School that when we were in High School they used to make fun of me. I think it's kind of funny that now that we are adults that they want to be my friend. I added them but don't connect with them they are just on my page. I don't converse with them or anything.

Jan

[Typo]

just ignore it,
nope, people can't see if you deny a request, so all is good.

[dsh74]

My problem is trying to find old friends. Then some of them, when you do, you're quite disappointed in how they look today. Like if they were good looking guys before, you know what I mean.... kind of a let down.

[lenjan]

Personally, I find that reassuring -- that life eventually catches up even to the people who were popular for being good-looking in high school. I've skipped all my reunions for fear of having to show up as a cow, but by this point (out of HS 26 years), pretty much everybody has gained a bunch of weight, the guys have gone or are going bald, etc. It makes it easier to stop beating up on myself for same.

[Fester430]

It can be a bad thing to have some people on facebook. My husband added a woman he went to high school with whom he barely remembered and never spoke to back then. She got it in her head that they had been friends for over 25 years and was way too friendly with him. (I am on this site in the first place because my husband has bipolar and is dealing with severe depression), this woman took advantage of him during a manic state and it was not good. It ended when we reported her to the police for stalking him. We are very careful now and don't add anyone unless we are sure about them, and we have no qualms about taking someone off or blocking them all together.

[SICKlySweet]

Originally Posted by jbug

I have people on my Facebook page from High School that when we were in High School they used to make fun of me. I think it's kind of funny that now that we are adults that they want to be my friend. I added them but don't connect with them they are just on my page. I don't converse with them or anything.

Jan

I had FB, I deleted it a few months back, I think it gives more trouble than it's worth, ***Speaking For Myself Anyways*** Since alot of my illness at the time wasn't very healthy for anyone to be attached to. I had maybe 5 out of the 90 something contacts actually talk to me on there. I also came to the conclusion that adding these ppl as "friends" was quite uncomfortable for me, since most were aquaintances and never friends nor would be. I had ppl on that I went to ESC/Kindergarten with. Elementary/Junior/Senior High that I hadn't talked to for years.

Some would add me and never answer any of my questions, I found it was more of a popularity contest for some to see how many ppl they could add as "friends" and yet NEVER respond to them when asked something.

I ignored others just as others ignored me, and some would never "get it", so I would take further action, by blocking or changing your security section. ( Who can find you in the search and what not)

Also the whole thing about people looking up your page just to find out whether or not they want to hire you. Disturbed me. but than I am a hypocrit in that matter since if I were interested in dating someone I would look at their page (if able) to see how much they partied or didn't.

Also same went for me, since I had some so called by some family members "disturbing" pictures on my page of myself. That were seen as provocative, and what not. Even though I am not that type of person, I was coming across as that type, so I was being viewed/judged as so.

Plus it was my only "Human Contact" I was addicted to going on the page maybe 5 times a day or more, and always being disappointed never getting anything out of it. (of course cuz I needed to change me first) So I deleted it and everyone.

Last but not least (as I never seem to have a short answer for anything) I was worried about having anything attached to my name just aimlessly wondering the internet without my consent. Cuz you never know who may use your valued information against you. And I still have goals and dreams where I may be viewed in the public eye later on in life, and don't want more problems than needed. (Welcome to SICKlySweet's Paranoia ;P)

[SICKlySweet]

Originally Posted by jbug

I have people on my Facebook page from High School that when we were in High School they used to make fun of me. I think it's kind of funny that now that we are adults that they want to be my friend. I added them but don't connect with them they are just on my page. I don't converse with them or anything.

Jan

I found this too Jbug, but I also gave it some thought, the so called cool ppl back than that were into so much and had seemingly all the confidence and looks and were now having difficulties, it is because they were having difficulties than as well. I did alot of forgiving, although I childishly liked the pain that they were in, because of how aweful they made me feel than, and now I was the better looking one. BUT of course we all know that looking and feeling are separate and yet give each other a hand in how others may view us. Maybe they wanted to add you, because they feel badly about how they were and want to apologize or wanted forgiveness.

Another problem I had with the whole FB adding ppl that you went to HS with had to do with their mindsets never changed, they never grew, they only got worse plus they seemed to think that you too were the same person. They never knew me than, even though they thought they did. They don't know me now, they were only willing to treat me the exact same as they did than. I may have looked the same, same name, but in 8 years I am a completely DIFFERENT person. There are boundaries that on FB with ppl that you used to know should be treated the same as crossing a stranger in the street.

[SICKlySweet]

OOPS

Better Looking (Beautiful on the INSIDE and OUTSIDE)

[MacKLeo]

Hi,
If you are finding something wrong around you,then instead of ignoring it, just try to find out the appropriate reason behind,and after that and try to solve that problem.

kim

I just registered on Facebook, and I've already met a few of my old friends before I moved several years ago. (and they seem to have done the opposite as dsh74, while we all were REALLY dorky in 7th grade, I looked at their recent profile pictures and they all looked, well, very good looking) lol.

[lenjan]

Yes Kaika, that often happens when you're young. Wait till you're in your mid-40s like me and my high school friends and see what life has done to you then. It's rarely pretty.

lol yeah
I added my mom and aunts to my facebook

[Cjewelar]

I personally love my social networks. I'm originally from a very small, close knit town, so when I moved away for college, I left alot of people behind. The social sites have given me a way to reconnect with those people, even if I don't talk to them regularly, or even often. We get to share our kids lives with the photo albums and undates. They also give me a way to talk everyday to my best friend of 18 years who moved to Texas a few years ago. It's so much more personalized info than you get in an email. I'm not big on sending out the requests, unless it's someone I really want to talk to, but I don't mind accepting requests if I'm not interested in knowing that person again. But it doesn't show up that you denied them. If they're actually interested in speaking to you, they'll request again, but most people get the hint.

I actually used myspace to organized my 10 year reunion. We have a class page on myspace and facebook, so we can chat there as well. I find facebook to be the more grown up of the two, but then again I have lots of young cousins and family friends on that account who act their age!

CJ

[Typo]

I"ve always had a very postive experince with FB and reconnecting.
I don't add anyone I don't have any kind of contact with, or if I reconnect with someone on there and then we never talk I delete them. They don't know you deleted them and if they are not talking to you it won't hurt their feelings.
I made it a rule that if I didn't talk to that person in high school, I probably wasn't going to talk to them now.

I actually just reconnected with someone I knew growing up, and we have been having a blast reconnecting and she actually has enlisted my help in creating a mental health group based off the Icarius project. We have gotten closer than we where in the past and got a chance to reconnect with someone I would have other wise missed a chance too.

Just set ground rules for yourself in accepting friend requests and stick to them, that seems to be what works best for me!