[pam7320]

I am getting married in a couple of months and going on a great honeymoon that I have been so excited about for months. My mother passed away a few years ago and my father has been grieving heavily. Over the past few years, I have been there for my father, visiting him several times a week, talking to him on the phone a couple times a day, giving him pep talks, bringing him little things that make him happy. My (single, unmarried) sibling lives in another state and visits just one or two weeks a year, so I am the only person left to give regular support to my father, whom I love very, very much. My sibling hates me and will not talk to me (this started after I got engaged).

Today his brother, my uncle, passed away. My father is absolutely devastated. They were best friends and hung out together all the time. Now he's going to feel that much more lonely and sad. He constantly tells me to enjoy my life, but it's so difficult to stop worrying about him. He likes my fiance a lot and wants me to be happy, but it's so hard to do that and not feel like I'm being selfish. He is self sufficient and still works, so the support I give him is more emotional than anything else. But he is incredibly sad. My mother was his whole life and his brother was his best friend. Other than going to work, he spends his time at home watching TV, feeling lonely. And he doesn't want to do anything else, though he does like it when I visit.

I'd like to get people's thoughts on how can I handle getting married and enjoying my honeymoon, knowing my father is this sad and lonely. How can I have a good time while knowing my father is at home mourning? How do I find a balance between caring for him and starting a new life with my new husband? It's so complicated and confusing.

[bebop]

I am sorry for your losses hon. You are in a hard place it seems. Listen to your dad though hon and go get married and have that wonderful honeymoon. Your dad will be ok. Maybe he needs a little time alone too. You can still call him while you are on your honeymoon. When you get back try to get him involved in some outside activities. How old is your dad?

[*freak*]

I'm so sorry... I have no advice, but I wanted you to know I care

[pam7320]

Thanks, bebop. That seems to be the consensus, but I still can't help feeling guilty for celebrating while my father is hurting so badly. He's in his late 70s. I wish my sibling would move down here to help keep him company. Knowing he's alone makes it that much harder for me.

And thank you, *freak*, for your kind words.

[bebop]

Pam I know the feeling. My dad is married but I still do alot for him. he is 80 and not in good health. it scares me when I have to go out of town. but you and he are still among the living. give him a little room hon. you will be surprised how well he might do.

[SilverNeurotic]

Perhaps a support group would be of help to your father. Most hospitals (and probably Churches) offer them on a weekly or biweekly basis. If your father is willing, take him to one or two-it could be a tremendous help while you are on your honeymoon.