[Phoebe7]

My daughter has been dealing with the loss of a half-sister.
She has been diagnosed as having PTSD as a result of this and many other things she has had to go through. (father has schizo affective disorder)
Her step-mother is naturally having a difficult time coping with this. She has been under a doctor's care as well as a psychologist's care for quite some time.

I had hopes that my daughter's step-mom would develop some coping skills from her weekly counseling sessions. However, things don't seem to have even remotely improved over the last couple of years. Truth be told they have declined. They no longer have any photos up of the deceased daughter per step mom's request and no one is allowed to even speak of her in their home. Step mom does not even want to visit anywhere that might have photos of her daughter, including the in-laws. This means that while my sad daughter is missing her sister, she has no solace while she is spending time at her father's home. She cannot speak of her half sister or have any pictures of her, even in her own bedroom.

Having lost a family member myself at a very young age, I do know a little bit about the effects of this kind of loss. I do not however understand what is going on as far as the step mom is concerned. I have met with her psychologist before and he, in my opinion, was not worth the paper his degree was printed on. Sad to say, but true. My daughter's counselor, however, is amazing! Step mom will try to attend these sessions, but instead of discussing what is actually going on, she nit picks at my daughter's behavior. I am just at a loss as we (step mom and I) do not have the kind of relationship where we can talk about anything. I really want to help my daughter. She is such a joy and it kills me to see her suffer. It is so hard to do everything I can do knowing that while she is at her father's house things are not good at all.

Any thought or ideas, please. I just cannot believe that with all the doctor and psychologist appointments that step mom could not have made more progress than this. Step-mom has a prior history of erratic behavior and anger issues.

[bebop]

I am sorry for your daughters loss. that is really tough on a child. as for her step mom. that is even tougher since you don't have a good relationship with her. grief can take years. Acceptance is the key to her to recover. Her therapist should really be working on that with her. was it an illness? accident?

[sunflower55]

Perhaps your daughter,
depending upon her age,
doesn't need to visit her dad's house for a while.
At least until she's more at peace with her loss.

What's her dad say about this mess at his house?
He ought to be looking out for his daughter's best interest.
That includes allowing her to grieve for her sister.
And he needs to understand that fact.

As for you and the step mom....
if you don't get along, then don't try to during this difficult time.
Deal with your ex - the father of your child.
It's who you should be dealing with about this issue anyway.
She is your shared concern.
And the step mom doesn't seem to "get it" anyway,
So, let her be.

These are just my own thoughts.
I could be all wrong.
Wishing you easier times ahead...

Peace!