[yellowted]

i lost my man to illness 7 years gone september, I have been through the denial, isolation, hatred of God, depression etc but feel that I have accepted his death, that is until a day or so before his birthday, death day or Christmas, when i develop a very short fuse, i get grumpy, shout at or get annoyed with people over things which the rest of the year would not bother me at all, i feel really tense inside, cry for the slightest thing and generally feel very depressed and pxxd off with everyone and everything. i try distracting myself like i am now (today would have been his birthday) I really want to be happy on his birthday after all if we believe what we read he should now be pain free and able to breathe unsupported, reunited with his parents. but i feel sooo crap, why is that?

[MissingMyOldSelf]

Yellowted,

My mother in law still goes through those same emotions on the 4th of July, when she relives in her head, the loss of a stillborn child, which would have been her first baby. She's never really talked about it a lot with me, but I can tell that she just feels anger for not doing things that she looks back and thinks "I should have done this..." or "I should have done that....". She's sad because she's lost a life in her own life. She's runs the whole gamut of emotions that you've said. It's just part of the grieving process.

[Leed]

My husband has been gone for 9 years, and I still get pensive and sad when these "anniversaries" and holidays come around. It makes me think of when we were together and the fun things we used to do --- I think about what we will never do again and the places we'll never go together. He was only 54 when he died. And he died 12 days before our first anniversary !!

I think it's pretty normal to feel this way when it's someone you loved very dearly. You're pretty normal .

Be kind and patient with yourself. God bless you. Hugs, Lee

[yellowted]

thankyou both, i was begining to think something was wrong to still feel so horrid every time his birthday comes around, especially as my so called ' mother' told me i should only grieve for one week for every year i knew him only a few days after he died!! it's good to know i am normal(well in that sense anyway!!!) xx