[kimmydawn]

I still just gets "waves" of grief, and alot of other emotions. My father died May 14 of this year. Trying to place the loss with everything regarding this childhood...

After the mother accused me for caring when dad passed and brought up so many triggers, it was hard. I've had another "wave" and this one has been dirtied.

It's hard.

Thanks for listening.

KD

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((Kim))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you are having to deal with the mother on top of the grief process. I'm so sorry she added stuff on top of an already full plate. Take care of selves during this time.

i'm sorry, KD.

[dottie]

Hi.

My Dad died April 19. I think of him every day. I remember when I was the apple of his eye..and then he changed and became abusive.My one remaining brother thinks I was crazy for forgiving him and coming to the nursing home to keep up with monitoring his care there.

He had apologized to me, but not to anyone else. He was so frail and ill at the end..how in the world could I shut down my heart?

I am glad things ended on a peaceful note for moi, at least. Sorry 4 my brother tho..who drinks to forget..instead of trying to forgive and move on. Sad!!

TGC

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((wantto))))))))))))))))))) if it weren't for you and our talks, it would've been impossible. thank you doesn't quite get it, but THANK YOU.

kd

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((pat))))))))))))

thanks. it's been hard.

kd

[kimmydawn]

dottie,

your story is an exact duplicate of mine...exact. i was something to dad before he became so ill. i have two brothers use are massive users...to escape. one didn't even go to the funeral.

being blamed for caring for a dying soul, good/bad/ugly, is a horrible feeling. i'm sorry you've felt this.

kd

[dottie]

Thanks. I wish I could heal my brother.

Oh..I also found out I have a half sister in Hawaii. Seems my dad did other things beside make moonshine and shoot at the enemy during WWII.

I have made it my goal to meet her. If it's at all possible. She is around my age.

He was human..and he was Dad..and he was my Dad too...however my half-sister deserves to be in contact if that is what she wishes. Hope this makes sense!

We are having terrible weather here..and my Rhuematism is very high right now.

TGC

[kimmydawn]

Oh, I hope you're able to meet her! It's been rumored that we have siblings overseas. He was a marine for over 20 yrs and was overseas many times and he told me that he was sure that I had "siblings" but he had no clue on finding out information anymore. He was gone before I could follow up.

Maybe someday they'll try thru the government here? I don't know. I ALWAYS dreamed for a sister...

I wish you so well there!

KD

[wanttoheal]

It's totally mutual my friend. Our talks so often keep me from falling off the edge (You will notice that this coming week I'm sure ). Thank YOU as well. (((((((((((((kim))))))))

[eskielover]

I too can understand the continued memories......my Mother died in January & to be quite honest, I don't know if I have ever felt any grieving. There were so many horrible experiences surrounding the end of her life that were tramatic.....& I blame her for everything that I had to go through.....along with her whinning to see her boyfriend when I was protecting us from the RN that was his neighbor.

I just can't seem to experience any grief feelings......& sometimes there is a real guilt is not feeling anything.

I am glad you had the relationship with your father that the others missed out on.....it is something they will never be able to appreciate...but they may be resenting the fact that you were able to be there for him....even though they may never express that.

Debbie

[jennie]

((((((((((((kimmydawn)))))))))))))))