[Dolfin]

I have also posted this in Bi-Polar (because that's my DX) but haven't got the feedback I'm really looking for. Please, someone help!

Dolfin

Hi gang,

I know it's been a while since I've posted about anything that's been getting to me, but I got some shocking news at work last week and I can't shake it. This is going to be lengthy, so please bear with me.

A bit of background:
My company's headquartered in Freiberg, Germany with a sister company in Michigan that oversees the sales and service operations for North America. We often get employees from our parent company in Germany to work here in the States for 4 to 12 month stretches. Being in a foreign country for any length of time can wear on a person. This is where my story begins.

Reinhard came to us in May 2005 for a 12-month assignment as a service technician. He was an energetic, boisterous, often eccentric person but very passionate about his job. Around the holidays, all he could do was tell anyone who would listen how excited he was to be going back to Germany for a much-deserved three week holiday. He was due to come back to work for us January 18th.

Our Vice President called an "all-hands" meeting on Tuesday, January 17th (this is VERY rare). He received word from his father (president of our parent company) that Reinhard had taken his own life earlier that morning. Needless to say, we were all completely shocked.

I had a very close working relationship with Reinhard, as I do with all my service techs since I handle their expense reports and credit card statements. If they have a problem, I'm their go-to girl. The hardest thing for me is I had a 15-minute conversation with Reinhard on Friday January 13th about how excited he was to be coming back to work. He was his normal boisterous self, talking at the speed of light as he always did. He wanted to know if there was anything I wanted him to bring me from Germany. (If any of you are chocolate lovers, you know that Germany's Milka rivals Godiva beyond compare.) I told him I wanted lots and lots of Milka. He laughed and said "I'll take care of you, don't worry, Jenn!" We chatted about our holidays, and he was describing our new German tech to me. It was a very light-hearted conversation, and there was no inkling of dark clouds in his horizon.

On Thursday January 19th, our weekly shipment from Germany came (it leaves Freiberg every Monday). There was a huge box with a bottle of champagne and a few cases of assorted Milka chocolates. We can only guess this was from Reinhard. There was no note, no card...nothing. None of us have touched any of these items, all of us having our own reasons, mine being that I asked for the chocolate.

Although we never socialized outside of the office, I still have this pit in my stomach. There have been tons of rumors as to the how's and why's, of which I turn a deaf ear. I don't want to know how, but I wish I knew why. I mean, he sounded like Good Ole Reinhard just 4 short days before all of this.

Maybe I'm just too soft-hearted, but his passing hasn't been easy for me. Having attempted the same in the past, this hits too close to home for me. I know I shouldn't beat myself up over this, but it still leaves its mark. I'm not dwelling on it, but it still lingers in the back of my mind. Maybe I just need to let time take over and try to put it out of my mind, but I feel like I wouldn't be doing his memory any justice. Thanks for letting me vent.

Dolfin

[bebop]

(((((((Dolfin))))))))))) hon I am so sorry

so very sorry for the loss of your friend......

[Lexicon78]

I'm sorry that you lost Reinhard. Unfortunately we cannot always see if a person is depressed or even what they're thinking about. Sure, a lot of people show it, but there are so many others that don't.

Like me, for example. You would never know a thing was wrong with me...even if you spent every day talking to me IRL. I am one of those that never takes the smile off my face, the laugh out of my mouth, or even lets anyone know how I'm really feeling. I often just put this mask out to the world. I don't want anyone to know how I really feel.

Hang in there. This is not your fault and you couldn't have known any more than he let you know.

[EJ711]

Hi Dolphin,

I can understand your sense of loss.

First of all, my family on my father's side came from Freiburg. While I visited quite a few places in Germany, I did not make it to Freiburg.

Second of all , I lost a boss and a coworker within about a year of each other at my employer of 17 years. They both died of natural causes, but I still think of both of them quite often. They were both in their 30's.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about it.

EJ