[northerner]

Back in the mid 80's my first wife and i lost two children. Tanya lived for three hours. She was born a premee. A year later Cody was born he lived for six and a half months. He was also a premee. The doc's at the tme said sorry and have a nice life. This caused me to drink alot and i turned my back to God. My first wife and i have gone our separate ways.
Now years later i am in a relationship with someone and het daughter has givin us two wonderful boys.
My concern now is that i am feeling sad for all of the years i have missed out on not having my own kids. And never once being called dad. I get depressed about all the wasted yearsand how much time i have left. Yes i know i am middle aged but in my line of work (funeral home) i see them come in all the time younger than i

((((northerer)))) Welcome to PC.

I am so very sorry for your loss. At the time you lost the preemies, did you go to counseling? grief support group? how did you and your ex-wife manage? It must have been terribly painful. Again, I am very sorry.

On the other hand, I am so happy for you that you found love, remarried and have kids and grandkids!

I can understand how you would feel sad, though

Many different circumstances in your life may be triggering very painful memories (trauma) from your past that were never completely resolved, so you are grieving again.

Have you spoken with your primary doctor and shared your concerns?

Also, would you consider going to a grief support group in your town and/or finding a T in your area that specializes in grief and loss?

Your feelings for your huge losses (and what could have been) certainly don't take anything away from your joy for your daughter and your grandchildren ... however, these circumstances may have brought back deep memories that are haunting you now that you have the opportunity to address so you can see things in a different light.

Please continue posting and let us know how you are doing.

[missbelle]

We cannot go back and wish....things are as they are and it sounds like your life is good...very good......sound like your life is full now and happy...

Don't revert back to the past...focus on what you have today. All of us can wish in the past things were different. It does not help. It only hurts us. Its the past and you have the present, and the future now.

No one knows how much time each of us has. We do know that today is for sure and we can't waste a moment of it wishing things had been different!

[northerner]

As far as any couseling there was nothing offer to us. I did the only thing i could do and that was drink. i gave drinking up 19 years ago now. as far as talking with my doc. i live in northern ontario (out in the country) so i would have to drive into the city to see a doc or therapist. My life now is good,my grandkids are teaching me alot about love. Its just sometimes i get this overwhelming feeling.