[pawpwr1]

It was July 21st, 2004. I was slated to leave for basic training for the USAF in San Antonio, TX. I didn't want to leave my friends behind, but I had a job to do and I assured them that I would come home soon. I get going in my training, and before I know it, it is August. One saturday afternoon, I call home to Fargo to see how everyone is doing. My parents were at the lakes and didn't get cell reception. So I tried another friend who informed of the worst news I had ever heard. My best friend Mike was involved in a serious car accident in Dallas. Mike had made plans to visit some friends in Tulsa, Ok. His dad flew him to Dallas, where the friends picked him up and were on their way to Tulsa. The other three passengers in the car were smoking marijuna, however, Mike who had never done it was not starting that day. The drive was in the middle of taking a hit, when he dropped the bowl between the seat, and rolled the SUV they were driving over. Mike was thrown from the back seat to the front, and landed in the front passenger's lap. He was lifeflighted to Parkland Memorial Hospital, where he was put on lifesupport until his family came. Once they flew in from Fargo, they pulled the plug on a best friend, brother, son, and loved one. Mike died August 7, 2004 at the early age of 18, jsut 5 days before he turned 19. He was going to be my roommate at college that year once I returned from basic training in December. So there I am, in the middle of basic training, not able to make it back to my best friend's funeral because he was not family. So i am stuck in a place that nobody could relate to me or what I was going through. I talked to my dad and Mike's dad that Sunday. They both told me to press on and move forward because that is what Mike would have wanted. SO i did. Prior to Mike's crash, I was slated to be an honor graduate in basic training. However, the training seemed to get a lot more difficult after that. Early September I graduated basic, and went on to job training or technical school. I was then given more time to think about Mike and clal my friends back home. I was finally given more time to grieve. I came home after completing my technical school top of my class the day before Thanksgiving in 2004. After the holiday, the college kids went back to college, the high school friends younger than me went back to high school, and everyone else had jobs. I would be home alone with no job, or school for the first time in my life. I thought a lot that time, and came to the conclusion that Mike is so irreplaceable. He was genuine, sincere, and loyal, unlike most of today's people that i come across. The toughest thing for me is going to parties now alone. I was well known and very popular in high school, but the biggest challenge is to find someone that can fill the spot in my heart. As a 21 year old, college student and frat guy, I should be having the time of my life. Unfortunatly, I am still reliving the pain and suffering for Mike. I am not motivated to do things. It seems that I have to buy myself something inorder to feel better...And that is short lived. 14 of Mike's good friends ran in a marathon in May in memory of Mike. Our relay team took 3rd place out of 120 teams. We had other runners in each event of the race take top places as well. There isn't a day or night that goes by that I am not reminded of Mike. The saying, "you don't know what you had until you lost it" is very true.

[Liv28]

The loss of a loved one..is difficult..but it seems to be even harder when it is someone who is so young and has yet to have their whole life in front of them. When I was a senior in high school, I was friends with a girl who was killed in a car crash as well. I will not give details, but she too had a promising future and if had lived would have gone far and done great things. For the longest time, I wondered why the good ones were the ones that were always taken first, because to me, that was how it seemed. She had many friends and many mourned her loss and no, just like your friend, no one could replace her, no one could fill her void. She was her own unique individual just as your friend was his. BUT, there is no harm in moving on with our daily lives while keeping our friends memory alive within ourselves. I would hate to think that my friend was looking down on me and seeing that I am sitting down here being miserable on their behalf..for I know that they would be extremely sad about this. (my friend would want to give me a good kick in the ***** too ) I read your other post you submitted earlier and you had some GREAT advice..about taking care of yourself..and others..and doing things in the memory of your friend..a memorial..how you had raced for your friend..all these things are so honorable..you give many hope..and I hope that you continue to lean in the hope of surviving the loss of your friend and knowing that his memory will always be with you..even if he can't physically be. Other friends will come and go with time..maybe none not quite like him..maybe some that remind you of him..regardless..give yourself time..(((HUGS TO YOU))))