mourning the loss of childhood. Anyone?

Hi,
I'm 30 years old and female. I've been having an incredibly hard time adjusting to the age of 30. Idk why. It just seems so "big" and I don't see myself as that at all. I guess you could say I'm mourning the loss of childhood. But, that said, I did have my childhood taken from me at an early age. Multiple times. I've got a physical disability that has forced me to undergo 17 surgeries throughout my life. The first one was when I was four hours old. Then, I was molested as a child. There went another piece of my childhood. I could go on, but that seems to be enough for now. I guess I just needed to vent and possibly find out if there's anyone else out there who's experienced something like I have and is grieving not a loss of an actual person but a loss of who they were and/or could have been. Any support would be great!
Toes

I can relate to not seeing yourself as an adult. I wasnt sexually molested as a child. But i was always exposed to verbal and emotional abuse, and sometimes physical. I wish i had better parents, a peaceful childhood full of love, but im really proud of who i am today because i raised myself. The values that i hold, the knowledge that i have were not given to me by my family. I discovered them on my own through reading. I guess that's all that matters in the end. This moment. No matter what you have been through, be kind to yourself, know that you're a person with value, love yourself and be the best person you can be. You can grieve the loss, but dont let it dictate your current self.