[Blondie59]

I just had my younger brother commit suicide. He lived a very strange life, lived with his parents up to age 52 yrs. No girlfriend( or boy), no social contacs, very isolated as thats the way he wanted it. He spent all his life with my aging parents in a back tiny bedroom with the same mattress on the floor he owned as a teenager. He worked sometimes, but last job he was fired for stealing parts in the company. Never did try to work after that. He lived in my very old parents house off their social security- never giving them a dime of rent.However he had a room filled with expensive gun volts, expensive collector rifles,and hand guns. he also had miniture planes he flew, and bought two ferrets to play with. His parents bought his food, prepared it, and did his laundry, and also agreed with him that moving out was a waste of money- and apartments are dangerous. He was still 52 yrs old and never dated( fem. or males). Only would have these depressing whining talks each night to my 77 yr old mom who has dementia- as if that were his spouse... My dad sat back and did nothing at all except fight with him for years.
We did finally get family help to get chris's butt in the real world and out of the cushy parents home. We hade to use an eviction order or his wasnt leaving! Cops dragged him out literally. My dad was happy- my mother was furious as she protected Chris vehimently, and couldnt see why a 52 yr old man at home was not normal.
Long story short. Chris had a restraining order- YET he came to their home in middle of the night saying he needed to give his cat to them as his hotel was kicking him out. He gave them the cat and also came in the house and ended his life in front of them. It WAS a **** You definelty. They wanted him to grow up in the outside world- he didnt want to , felt people should care for him- always. His fury was to kill himself in front of these 84 yr old people, then make them feel the guilt rest of their lives. " look what you did to me" sort of thing. My two enabling parents who did make this monster grow up entitled, spoiled, and everything given to him then blamed all of us who tried to get Chris mental health treatment prior. My mom says now " you never liked Chris and wanted him to see a doctor as if hes nuts" "Its your fault he felt bad about himself."
My question? Why are two old parents who groomed this kid since birth to be dependent, to never make outside friendships, to never feel worthy to date, have a family etc. Supossedly Mom and dad WERE his family for life!
I have now lost my younger brother, and my parents who blame me, my daughter and others for insisting Chris needed help- which in their minds pushed him over the brink. We were supposed to leave this angry man/ boy alone for eternity.
Not only lost one brother but an entire family who is blaming everyone EXCEPT the one who took his own life! My brother!! I feel the sickest of the bunch is still with me- my mother. Hate to blame mom- but she did create the monster and allowed everything he became to be normal. She never wanted an empty nest ans she tried to keep a man a child forever. This is the result of that abnormal parenting. Best gift you can give your kids - is the gift of independence, to be their OWN person, not an extension of mommy when he's 52 yrs old. Let your children grow up and leave. Thats the best experience in the world for a healthy young adult. If your a lonely mommy- get a dog. They LOVE attention 24/7 and you wont ruin a human beings life.

[Gus1234U]

how very sad, i hope you find some way to deal with your anger~

[gayleggg]

This is a very tragic story. I can certainly understand your anger. I would suggest counseling for you and your family. I would hope your mom and dad would as well.

I have a friend in a similar situation, except the dad is already deceased, otherwise it is the same story. And the mom is the enabler. They haven't tried to get the son evicted yet, but I know they would like too. Hopefully, it want come to the tragic ending yours has.

[Blondie59]

Originally Posted by Gus1234U

how very sad, i hope you find some way to deal with your anger~

Yes, thank you. I am a strong advocate of therapy/counseling. My family members are not. They are very isolated, antisocial and not fond of "outsiders" opinions. Even though i was raised in this environment, I rejected this attitude. My parents are blinded with denial, they would rather through others under the buss than themselves. I tried several times to get my brother mental health help- as he needed it. He refused with many four letter words. My parents enabled him to feel the world was nuts - not him.
I do have a great therapist, who is helping with my anger towards the people who refused to see my brothers problems and actually helped him stay in the same mode. Also great sadness, as I do feel with the right support system around him he would still be alive.
A great lesson for all parents who feel making your childs life to easy, cushy and not expecting them to grow up is OK.

[Blondie59]

Thanks to all. I am lucky to have a great therapist through out all this. Anger towards family who enabled my brother and denied he needed help. Sadness thinking about the brother I "used" to know and watched deteriorate slowly, then lost. A tragedy which could have been avoided had close family been able to open their eyes to help save this person.

[January]

I am so sorry this sad situation has happened to you and your family. Do not take any guilt upon yourself. You did everything possible to mend the situation, but you can't control other adults. Please be sure and take good care of yourself in this stressful time.

Jan