[Blackrock]

I felt very guilty and in denial for my Dad's passing. There were lots of times that I saw him coughing and didn't know it was serious. I could have saved him before his condition gotten worse. I shouldn't let him go to the doctor by himself! He's a long time smoker and I should have known but now it's too late.

Why didn't I see it? I've been blinded! It's a punishment for me. My dad never ask anything from me. He was a very kind and gentle person. He always smile and did not complain about anything.

Am so sorry dad! It's too late!

[DocClyde]

(((Blackrock)))

Don't say that--my Dad died from COPD, and I kind of felt the same way, but I took care of him as well.

We always feel guilty about it, but there is not much we can do about it when it happens. Once it does happen, it does happen. Just remember that he knows you were there for him when he was alive, and that was what is important.

Don't blame yourself.

And, also, allow yourself time to grieve--grief takes different times for each person, so it may take longer for you than it takes other people.

(((hugs)))

[Citrine]

Im very sorry for your loss Blackrock. I lost my Dad to secondary lung cancer. I tried to help him but he was a stubborn man, people do what they want to do. Perhaps your Dad wouldnt have listened or would have helped himself only a little. Men are very often very frightened of Doctors, arent we all though.

Beating yourself up is normal. Its hand in hand with grieving, regrets and feeling guilty. What if...2 very mean words to be telling yourself over and over right now. Go with your grief, cry, break down and eventually you may see you did your best even if you dont realise it.

[doyoutrustme]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it must hurt to think you could have done more. It's normal. Remember that your father was a grown man. He was more aware of how coughing. He chose to smoke. Try not to beat yourself up.

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[1776]

Originally Posted by Blackrock

I felt very guilty and in denial for my Dad's passing. There were lots of times that I saw him coughing and didn't know it was serious. I could have saved him before his condition gotten worse. I shouldn't let him go to the doctor by himself! He's a long time smoker and I should have known but now it's too late.

Why didn't I see it? I've been blinded! It's a punishment for me. My dad never ask anything from me. He was a very kind and gentle person. He always smile and did not complain about anything.

Am so sorry dad! It's too late!

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Blackrock

I felt very guilty and in denial for my Dad's passing. There were lots of times that I saw him coughing and didn't know it was serious. I could have saved him before his condition gotten worse. I shouldn't let him go to the doctor by himself! He's a long time smoker and I should have known but now it's too late.

Why didn't I see it? I've been blinded! It's a punishment for me. My dad never ask anything from me. He was a very kind and gentle person. He always smile and did not complain about anything.

Am so sorry dad! It's too late!

Sorry for your loss. It's not a punishment for you, to lose a parent to cancer. Even, had he seen a doctor, there was no guarantee of survival. There's no way, to prevent it, once it strikes. Cancer, is like that. I lost my mom, in a little over a year.

[Gus1234U]

we must all endure loss, memories help, but only time takes away the sting~

[Blackrock]

My dad had CAD which was artery blockage of heart that ended his life. It wasn't cancer. We had his lung checked and it was fine. He even went to see the doctor on Monday and the doctor said he was fine and gave him asthma meds instead of sending him to ER. We took him to er on the following morning but it was too late!

We didn't know about the artery blockage and I don't think my dad knows either. Am not sure if this is doctors negligence or fate.

I should have take him to er sooner!

[winter4me]

Arterial blockage is usually very severe by the time symptoms develop. Whether more should have been done when he went to the ER depends on the symptoms he did present. You did the best you could. He would not blame you. But, blaming is part of grieving, it is normal...you will grieve in the way you need to grieve. Don't forget the good memories. Take care of yourself, and those around you. ((((hug)))))

[TerryL]

i'm so sorry for your loss i know you loved your dad very much and am just distraught over his death. Beating oneself up after a loved one's passing is common but i know knowing that doesn't ease the guilt or pain. i felt the same way when my mother died. all the should haves and could haves. i have found out that, for me, the only way i could get rid of the guilt was to see the facts. for example, your dad's arterial blockage, even his doctor did not know about it, so how were you supposed to know? we go by what doctors tell us. as for his coughing and smoking, you said the doctor said his lungs were fine, and had nothing to do with his passing. your dad sounds like the kind of person who did not like to bother others, so regarding not going to the doctor with him, i am sure he did not want to bother you. men are very independent about those things anyways. my mother was the same way, she did not like to bother others or complain but that can work against the situation in some cases. i know if you had known something was wrong you would have taken your dad to the er right away. you did your best with what you knew at the time. so please be gentle with yourself. i hope that when your grief subsides, you will be able to see that you were not at fault at all. many hugs to you.