[Grey Matter]

Yesterday was my families second thanksgiving without my brother. It wasn't by any means "easier" as people claim, it just "was". My mom and sister had a cry about my brother which was by all means healthy and more than okay. I just found after sitting alone that I can't cry about missing him anymore. I don't know if it's because my body is going through such a physical trauma or if I have just gone numb to it all.

I miss him every day. And I DO cry about him, but it's usually triggered by my own physical pain and discomfort and me saying to myself "I wish you were here, you'd help me. You wouldn't leave me.". But other than that its very sparse to no crying. If I hear his song I listen, feel a bit down, miss him, but then I move on.

I am struggling so hard to understand this as I am so used to missing him so much it hurt me down to my marrow. And now it's different and I am scared that I just don't care anymore. Which I know can't be true but why did it all change so suddenly?

[gayleggg]

Each of us grieve on a different time schedule, each triggered by different things. You have to take it at your own pace and not compare yourself to others that are also grieving. You just handle your grief differently, its not because you don't care it's just where you are. I think your physical suffering has a lot to do with you emotions right now and the chemo could be dulling your feelings somewhat. Pain will do that. Don't worry you still care and it's not measured in the number of tears you cry. It's in your heart.

[Blackrock]

I think you still missed him and crying does not prove that ! Men and women deals with emotions different. Women burst in Tears easily and in front of others; opposite for men!

I lost my dad last Friday and this was the first thanksgiving without him. My brothers did cry but not too much now. Just like you they control their emotions and will let it out when they'll alone thinking of my dad.

It's easy to cry than not to cry! So you're strong and you're just trying to have him close to you by thinking he's still around and close to you. When u need him and he's not there was when u finally realized he's not physically with you and you start to cry.

Take care