[whatalife16]

I have been so depressed since the death of my boyfriend by committing suicide.Until now I am grieving, I cannot accept what happened. Guilts and a lot of sad feelings conquering me each time I wake up.I have a concrete thinking of following him after his death as I promised him in front of his coffin.I really cannot take it.I maybe dead few days ago if I am considering my children.I wanted to prepare ample amount for their future as well as insurance to cover their expenses if I am gone.It is too selfish indeed I know, but I really don't know how to cope up with my sadness and emptiness.Until when will I suffer? I am so tired of living unhappy.Now I am not afraid of death.I will be living a life until someone ends my life.
Hopeless, crazy, mad whatever they will call me I don't care anymore. I already hate to wake up.

[TerryL]

i am so very sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. it must be especially devastating to lose him to suicide. i can't even imagine the pain you are going through on top of having to care for your children. do you have grief counseling in your country? if so i hope that you will consider it. and you are doing the right thing by posting your feelings. my thoughts are with you.

[marmaduke]

My partner committed suicide 7 years ago, I remember wanting to commit suicide too soon after his death. I phoned a helpline (uk) but there are must be similar help lines where you live.
It is common to feel like this after a suicide of someone close.
Don't do it, that feeling will pass.