[JustZeek]

My best friend lost her support system a week and a half ago. Her cousin, who was bipolar just like my friend, committed suicide. Her cousin was one of those people who had it all together for the most part. She did her research on everything, was big into heath and fitness and other then her emotional ups and downs could have had a pretty productive life and really did for the most part.

She touched a lot of peoples lives. She was inspirational and easy to talk to. From what my friend said she was hard to live with though.

Anyway, I live a few hundred miles away and I can hear how much pain my friend is in. She was at a high point a few days ago but I think she is crashing again. I just don't know what I can do for her. We are emailing a lot right now. I know she isn't suicidal at the moment. But she has had that problem in the past. She has all of the hotline numbers if she gets to that point again.

Can anyone give me ideas of what I could/should say to help? I'm worried about her.

[winter4me]

Keep in daily touch (more when it seems warranted). Tell her outright that you are worried about her, knowing her history, don't let her dismiss it---the fact is, it is easier to commit suicide when someone you know/care for has done it.
Be an ear, let her say whatever she wants without judging (don't worry too much about giving positive feedback, don't give positives for each negative, don't try to cheer her up except as it comes naturally; listen, acknowledge the feelings...
and, as able, the fact that feelings and actions are not the same thing.
If the two of you share humor in your relationship---USE IT. Do not fear it. Great humor is often born of, and balm to, great pain.
The knowledge that her cousin could have survived this time as she had many other times of terrible pain is very difficult to deal with (guilt, shouldawouldacouldas abound---rage(bring her back I'll kill her myself)----and such sorrow, loss not just of a person but of a shared life that will not be---dreams lost---expectations (some not even known now) not met...
If there is any way you can, visit her in person.
Send, small tangible reminders of your presence. You know her and what she values.
Let her know, also, that, should she be suicidal and too down to call a stranger, that she can call you, and then you call the nearest ER (she either gets herself there, or you call the ambulance)----[I actually did this once long distance; half-way cross country...successful]---
Hang in there.
Hope your friend has a good t.; if not, she should get one that deals with mental health And grief issues. Even attendance at a peer group (survivors of suicide) may be an option (all depends on what type of "help" your friend finds actually helpful)
---in time, perhaps she will find a way to expand her cousin's inspiration---5k runs in the cause using her name--passing on the healthy lifestyle enthusiasm...
Sorry to ramble. Take what might help, leave the rest.
And, do not forget, this is a loss for you, by default. It does affect you.
((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[gayleggg]

I really can't add anything to what winter4me had to say. That was some wonderful advice. Hugs as I know it is hard to see a friend in pain.

[Rzay4]

Great advice, I'm sorry about your best friend's cousin. That's really hard.