[LearningMe01]

I'm not sure this is the right forum for me, but the title looked very fitting and I'm in need of some support , so I figured I'd give it a shot.

To make a very long story short; I had a therapist for over two years with whom I became very close. I also developed some very strong romantic feelings towards her over the years (I basically fell in love) and I eventually told her about them. She worked at the University in my area and did counseling through the clinic. Yesterday was our last session because she's moving out of the state to go on her internship. I had to say goodbye to someone I've grown to love very much. I don't know if any of you are familiar with therapy, but there is a very strict "no contact" rule after a therapist and client finish their work together...and even stricter rules from the university she works at. I will never see her again, I won't even be able to email or talk to her on the phone once in a while. Basically, she has died to me. Obviously not in the literal sense, because she's very much alive...but to me, for all intents and purpose , she has died .

I'm having an extremely hard time processing this loss. I've never lost anyone who was this close to me...I've also had issues with letting myself feel things (emotion wise...which was part of the reason I was in therapy to begin with) I didn't know anything could hurt this bad...and it's not just emotionally...it also feels very physical. My stomach is sick...my head hurts...my body feels worn out...I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach. I walk around with tears streaming down my face...everything feels hopeless. I want to scream...or run away...

I guess I'm just looking for some sort of understanding from someone...a little support from someone who's been in a similar situation (or at least knows how bad this feels) Right now it's hard to see any sort of "light at the end of the tunnel" Everything feels so empty and wrong.

Thanks in advance for any input or advice, I appreciate it very much.

[gayleggg]

I can understand your grief over this. It is hard to let go of a beloved therapist, especially when you know you want see them again. I would suggest grief counseling as a way to get help through this. It will get easier but it will take a while. You might want to start a unsent letter of the things you would like to tell her if you could and get some of the emotions out that way.

I lost a really good friend once because of one of my manic spells and crossed boundaries. He cut all contact with me. Left me reeling since I loved him dearly and felt he was my soulmate. It's still hurts sometimes but not as bad as it used to.

Good luck to you.