Can't live without my father! Help!

I can't deal with the loss of my father. And it feels like he would have been alive if I would have done something. He wad only 49, no one is sure how he died. I'm crying all the time, I don't want to live without him. I just want to turn back time and be with him, I didn't meet him the last months before he died. He was the most important person in my life. I feel so empty now when he is gone. He died a year ago but for some reason I didn't really feel his death until now. I love him so much. It's so hard to go on without him. Please someone help me. I'm so broken. I just want to turn back time and be with him... I can barely breathe I'm crying so much.

I'm sorry you lost your father at such an early age. I know you are heartbroken.

I think seeing a therapist might be the best thing you could do. One that has experience in grief counseling. It's not an easy path, but you can make it through it.

Also, keep posting on PC to vent and let out any feelings you are with holding. We will do our best to support you.

I'm usually against therapy. Because it's simply not something for me and I've tried. It's so hard, I don't know what to do. My dad was the most important person in my life. And it feels like it was all my fault that he died, because we were both depressed at the same time and I wanted to be there for him and help him, but at one point I couldn't deal with it anymore so I left him all alone. And then he tried to call me but I never answered. And then he died. Maybe he would have been alive if I would have taken care if him.

you cant blame yourself. being there for him would not have prevented his death. you possibly would have been in more pain seeing him die. if you are against therapy look for a grief support group. this would be less intense for you than one on one therapy but still offer the opportunity to work through your pain. you need to forgive yourself for not being there. that is your first step. things will become easier for you after that. take care.

My condolences Chameleon, on the loss of your father. This is something that would perhaps be good to work through in therapy. The impact of these sorts of losses does fade with time, but not entirely. And, as strongly as you feel now about this loss, it could be along time before the pain diminishes. Therapy may help to minimize the damage. My best wishes to you.

Oh darling Chameleon, how absolutely awful for you to have lost your much loved Dad ~ I don't know what to say Firstly and as someone else has already said, do NOT blame yourself in any way. This is a very common emotion that people feel on the loss of a nearest and dearest. You couldn't possibility have anything to cause his death so please stop that thinking. Of course you are devastated, I would be too TBH and it's all very early days yet. If you feel like crying, then cry, if you want to talk about him to another person, then try to do that. There's no set pattern as to what you can and can't do, it's whatever suites YOU hunny. I also agree that you might want to consider a grief therapist, not a run of the mill therapist but one who specialises in grief. Lastly, do keep coming back to PC, you'll find an understanding bunch of peeps who'll try and help you, perhaps you'd like to make friends?? Take care now and I send you HUGS and LOVES.

Thank you all for being so kind and supporting me. Therapy is still nothing for me, I've tried and that's one of the worst things I've done. You see, to me it's like jumping of a cliff, maybe I'll survive and be happy, or maybe I'll die. Sounds silly, I know. But I can't really describe how therapy could hurt me, the risk that I'll be so hurt is so big that I can't take the risk. But I know that you mean well, and that therapy has probably worked for you, so I'm not offended. Once again, thank you.

I don't quite understand what you're saying here, Chameleon. But I do agree therapy is not helpful for everyone. I don't have a therapist. I've tried it numerous times over the years & it always just seems pointless for me... not worth what it costs. The question, though, now becomes: how will you deal with the deep feelings of loss over the death of your father you are experiencing? Yes, one way is to just trudge on & wait for it to subside. And this may work over time. But, from my perspective, it would be much better to address these feelings in some direct manner. Have you given any thought to how you will get through this period in your life & move on, hopefully with a positive outlook?

What I meant is that when I tried therapy it hurt me really really bad and I don't want to take that risk again. I don't know how to move on without my father, I loved him so much and still do, I miss him so so much. I need him to be here, it feels so heavy and I'm so depressed it's hard to breathe and I can't go to sleep I'm thinking so much about him. And I cry because no matter what I do, I can't get him back and I can't turn back time and be with him. I need him.

Hi Chameleon, i understand your feelings so much...
I am "loosing" my father 4 years now ...he has Altz...4 years of deep confused bereavement ...and last year i lost my best uncle..therapy couldn't help me at that issue...

I couldn t sleep when my uncle died , i did not have a support from my mother and sister ...i could say they both make things worse for me...
And I miss them both so much...

I ve talked with friends who lost their father and that helped me...
I needed compassion ...and therapy did not help me...

I started homeopathy ,he gave me a combination of pils for bereavent and i cried a river and slept a lot ...

Physically,it was really effective...and my body felt relaxed...my mind more calm...i felt that something took the pain out of me...
it really worked ...because with words and thoughts noone could help me more...
So you could start by trying to fix your sleep , give your body and mind what asks for...
Take your time to feel sad about your father ...but don 't feel guilty...
Find people or activities that follow your feelings...open up and share...
You are not alone in that ...

I'm going through the same thing right now. I blame myself. I didn't think I needed therapy because I thought it was a waste of time. However things were starting to get rough for me and I found a good T to work with. I think therapy can help with unresolved feelings. Sorry for your lost. My wife died 8years ago and it gets harder everyday.

Hi Chameleon33

I joined this group for other life issues but saw yours just now.

I experienced what you are going through with a wife many years ago. She had grown up abroad and was her Dad's little girl.

He, too, passed suddenly and spoke as you have on this forum.

One great Pastor said to her "Go finish what your Dad started Do it for him; do it in remembrance of him. Show him that based on what he taught you, now you can do it"

After retiring her Dad had started a small scale fresh vegetable and produce farm. She went there, took a deep breath and dug in as suggested. Today it is one of, if not the, largest organic veggie farms in the State. And it bears his name!

Work for you??

Thanks everyone for your support. And I'm so sorry for those of you who are going through the same thing. I'm starting to feel better.