anniversaries....

Anniversaries suck!

This time of year is chock-a-block full of anniversaries for me. It's like one after another they are slamming me. I was walking through Wal-Mart a couple of days ago, saw something that triggered a memory and tears started. Felt like a fool bawling in the aisle at Wally World!

I know what I need to do to take care of myself for the next couple of months (yeah that many anniversaries in a row!) I know this will pass. Meanwhile it sucks!

(((((lizardlady))))) Yes, anniversaries can be tough. Be good and patient with yourself, dear one.

I can understand this. Today I was going to buy milk and the expiration date was August 24. Well August 24 would have been my mom's 86 birthday. She died in March. My dad died July 26 four years ago. His birthday would have been August 17. I had to put my cat to sleep on August 3rd. Yesterday I found out my uncle has only two weeks to live. It is almost like how much is a person supposed to take. I have been an emotional mess. Anniversaries. suck.

I certainly get this, too...today is the 11th anniversary of my wife's miscarriage. I remember every minute of that day like it was yesterday. It's also on the way to the 18th anniversary of my father's death (August 30, 1996). I'm so sad...August 18th would have been my father's 78th birthday...

thank heavens for good aniversaries

Totally understand. I'm there, too. Have been dreading fall, and since my son started back to school Thursday have just been on a depression downward spiral. These months of fall are the anniversaries of the last few months in our house before the fire and the last few months of my 10 cats' lives that I lost in the fire. The slant of light now is bringing up so many memories from last year. Last August I took my Lily to the vet because she kept throwing up whenever she drank water. We were fixing up the back porch, so I can recall the hammering while I was busy daily with the vacuum trying to rid the house of fleas. I vacuumed off everything almost daily til around the end of October - window sills where my cats sat, the bedspread, couch, chairs, etc. I cleaned the bedroom windows in September last year and had them really nice. September took James to the vet twice for bladder infection/stones and was put on a special diet. Just moments before the fire I had closed him up in my son's room to be alone to eat his special food. October took my Winston to have the end of his tail amputated because fleas caused him to dig at it down to the bone. We struggled the whole month with getting that to heal after it was amputated. I can't even look at an Elizabethan collar now without tears. Had to extend it with duct tape 3 times because he could still reach the end of his tail and pull out the stitches. Had to take it off so he could eat or drink. He hated it. I hated making him wear it. November was a good month. The fleas were gone, kitties feeling better and playful, Winston's tail looking good and growing back fur finally. Thanksgiving with the family felt great. Then 5 days later my home burnt and destroyed, everything gone, my cats all gone, 2 missing and never found... My whole life changed, and it was like I was put into some sort of strange alternate reality. It's like where is my life?? Where did it go?? Even 8 months later in a new house with 2 new cats, I still wonder... I think it's just too much for my brain to grasp.

it was 5 yrs for me --- my mom was my anchor I was working and turned around and saw someone that looked like my mom/ went to bathroom to deal with that.

[QUOTE=lizardlady;3928011][FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="3"][COLOR="Navy"]Anniversaries suck!

This time of year is chock-a-block full of anniversaries for me. It's like one after another they are slamming me. I was walking through Wal-Mart a couple of days ago, saw something that triggered a memory and tears started. Felt like a fool bawling in the aisle at Wally World!

I know what I need to do to take care of myself for the next couple of months (yeah that many anniversaries in a row!) I know this will pass. Meanwhile it sucks

[COLOR="navy"]
I hate anniversaries too lizradlady today is my dad's 2nd year anniversary of his passing four years ago my mom passed away on March 15,2010.I cried this morning cuz my dad died today at 10:55 this morning .

I have more of a seasonal trigger without specific dates other than the 5 days that I went through the trauma with the home care person when my mom was dying of cancer.....only reason I remembered those dates was because of the police report & all the details that were needed for that even though they couldn't end up with enough evidence to nail her because I did too good of a job protecting my mom & they never prosecute stolen ID.

Every time fall weather hits......so does the depersonalization feelings & that spacey feeling that I went through for almost a year before, during, & after while I was recovering from the anorexia & PTSD issues caused by the trauma.........

I have found that I refuse to keep exact dates in my mind.....as I don't want to have specific dates to remember continually through my life....I remember the person, all my pets I have lost....but in a general time frame sort of way & the memories hit at all different times during the year. I ended up having to go to the medical hospital the night my mother ended up dying (she died a few hours after I left her)...but I know it was some time middle of January about the same time of the month that my father had died about 16 years earlier......so I get more of a general feeling than remembering specific dates & it definitely works better for me....... but PTSD triggers hit at all different times.....the first Thanksgiving that I spend with anyone after the one with my mother really hit me & I sat at the table with my friends but had depersonalized & it was like I was watching myself at the table.....really a scary feeling for me because I'm so afraid that someone will realize that I'm not really there or someone will say something & I will be so spaced out I won't be able to respond in a reasonable way. Actually my depersonalization has improved over the 7 years since I left & moved 2100 miles away from EVERYTHING that had been my life for 53 years.....that has definitely helped to make a complete NEW LIFE for myself including leaving my bad marriage of 33 years.....

Have definitely realized that not holding onto specific dated really does help me not go constantly into the details....& helps me remember those past anniversaries in a more general way....It works for me much better.

I forgot I posted this. Came here tonight to post about struggling with anniversaries only to find I already did. Can you guess I'm still struggling with this?

Eskie, I never used to keep track of dates either. It was more by season of time of year. I still can't tell you most of the specific dates, just that there was a lot of loss this time of year.

(((((((Lizardlady))))))))

what are you doing to take care of yourself with all these anniversaries going on

Excellent question Tigergirl. I've been just trying to hang on and get through it all. Just this morning I started to think I needed to do more than just hang on and ride it out. I think I need to do something to let myself feel the grieve. Haven't figured out just what theat will be though.

I have a big one, that I'm coming right up on. The first few years it came up I took the day off work, spending time with only those who also cared deeply for my husband. Then last year, thinking I could handle it I finally went to work on the anniversary date and it was an absolute disaster -- some fairly awful but still merely work-related things went down, but my emotions about it were x100. Blubbering like a fool, in the vicinity of about a thousand people.

Anyway, I'm staying in this time for sure. Not that I'll be moping around; just trying to have a normal day free of compromising breakdowns. I might go out for a drive but that's about it; I already found out the hard way that I'm no good at knowing what I can handle on this particular day.

I took the anniversary of my mother's death off from work this year. It was on a Friday so I ended up with a three day weekend. I dug out boxes and boxes of pictures my mother and grandmother had. It brought up a bunch of stuff, but was healing in the long run.

anniversaries suck - sends hugs to all