[Musica91]

My mother died back in July of this year. It was time - it was a blessing. She had struggled with Atypical Alzheimers/dementia (nobody really knew what is was exactly), for 7 or more years.

Its been hard for me to grieve.

First of all, extended dementia is difficult to grieve I think - there is a certain amount of relief surrounding the death after a person is just in a vegetative state for so long.

But its difficult for me to know how to feel too, because my mother was my first abuser (emotional, physical, sexual).

So how do you feel about that?

I feel a little more free - for one thing. And then I feel guilty that I do.

No, did not want my mother to die. Nobody really does.

But when your mother hurt you - when you did not bond with her - when you don't know what a real mother is like -

Well, my therapist calls this "complicated grief".

Its complicated all right! And I don't know if I grieved her passing or not?
I am supposed to be journaling about it and have some - but find that difficult too.

Musica91

PS - and one more thing, in therapy I discovered that my mother probably also abused my older brother too, and since he later died by suicide - the first comment out of my mouth was "she killed him". (that was a very tough day for me in therapy - on the drive home, I pulled over and vomited. No joke).

[Pikku Myy]

Reminded me of loosing my grandmother in 87 <3 Last time I saw her she did not recognize me. She thought I was my younger sister. It hurt then... I still love her for being my mummo She was 90 at the time and I have come to realize she did love all of us. Hugs

[CANDC]

Musica. They say vomiting is a way to express feelings that are buried inside and eject things the body cannot use or assimilate.
Your grief is so hard because there is not only the grief, but the hurt from abuse.
We'll get through this somehow. That I keep telling myself.

[littlemiss1970]

I just came across yr post. I'm so sorry for yr loss. I can totally relate. My mom died of cancer in June of this year...so it wasn't dementia but we had no connection and she was very emotionally abusive to me. I feel more free too but I also suffer from guilt for feeling that way. Yr not alone at all...feel free to pm me if you want to talk. I'm here to support and be an ear to listen. Take care.