Hey,

Just feel I need to share my grief over my parents not loving me..

This feels like the worst possible pain a person can hope to get through! I've managed to cry about it a few times, but most of the time, I just block the feelings or detach when I feel them coming to the surface. It literally feels like I'm going to die from the pain when I actually do manage to feel it in my body, so I guess it's human nature to try and avoid it.. But at the same time, I feel I need to get it out as holding it in is even more painful in the long run.

I need a hug!

[jelly-bean]

This is such a sad post! What makes you think your parents don't love you? Do they know you feel this way? Do you have grandparents or siblings that you can talk to about this. Perhaps if yu discussed it with someone they could help you figure out what's going on and maybe get you some help if you need it.

[CANDC]

Hey DOA, welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sounds like you are feeling unloved.
HUGS
And a little love
I know things look dark today, but I finally found out why my world was so dark, I was wearing sunglasses! Hope your problem works out as I am sure it will.

Hope you find friends here at PC as I have. Any time you need a hug send me a private message! or post and you will get one.

By the way, DOA also means "Date of Arrival". That is what we are all looking for the date we arrive home! We are all headed home!

[Pikku Myy]

Super hugs your way

Thank you all! It seems like there's a great community over here

I've been trying to write a reply but it has proven harder than I thought. I've been dissociating so heavily every time I've started writing I've lost track of what's what.. But I'll give it another try.

I've always known my dad doesn't love me. Even as a young child I felt it. My mother has told me he called her crazy for wanting children, and I believe her.. I believe he hates my neediness and vulnerability, hates having to take care of anyone.

I believe that for him, having a family means status. Because of us, he can call himself something - a dad, a husband.. I don't think he'll miss me when I die, just what he got from me.

My mother is the same. She doesn't want to know me either. Quite the opposite, in fact, I think she hates the thought of me having my own life and being happy one day.

I've now realised that I can have my own life for sure - but my mother won't follow me. I'll be doing it without her. She'll never be happy for me, only jealous, vindictive and like I've done something wrong when all I've wanted to do is live my own life. And that cuts me to the core - that she doesn't want to be there. Doesn't want to be happy for me, doesn't want to share my sorrows with me. I don't have a mother, and she's choosing this. She'll never admit the truth because then she'd have to admit her whole life with my dad is nothing but an illusion. It's a dream of what could be in her head, not reality.

And I know it's a silly thought, but I can't help thinking, what does it say about me that not even my own mother wanted to love me..

Sorry for the long post.. And thank you for 'listening'

[QuietMeFromNowhere]

Hi, what is your own life that she is rejecting? You sound young, in that age of searching. Hope you are ok. Wish I could adopt you, my daughter hates me and won't talk to me. I know I wasn't perfect, but nothing evil. That's why I came to grief support thread. It hurts so much to be rejected by your child when you gave 100%. But I have had an avalanche of other losses as well, so it's all mixed in. Love.

Hey,

I thought I'd reply here to what you wrote about your relationship with your daughter.

I'm so very sorry for the way things are between you and her I can imagine it's incredibly painful for you. I know I would be gutted if I was you - sounds like your daughter has chosen a very worrying path in life..

Did she ever share her feelings before going no contact? I wonder if it would still be possible for you two to calmly talk about what has happened. Would you be able to get a message to her saying you would like to hear how she's feeling and what she's thinking, and to be able to tell her the same about you?

It's hard to say anything more without knowing what's going through her head. I'm thinking that perhaps the only thing you can do is let her know you're open for discussing things should she want to do so - that she's always welcome back home.

Hugs!!!