A Question: lost a lot of family, sub conscious searching?

I have lost a lot of people in my life in a short period of time (my Mother, best friend, Aunt) and I've undergone intense changes. I also went through a break up recently.

I have meditated most my life, but lately, I have been unable to. What happens is, I start to let go of my consciousness and relax, and my mind immediately panics.

I feel this intense feeling of panic and sadness. My mind goes looking for all the people I've lost. It feels horrible! It only lasts a few seconds and then it's gone. Sometimes it hurts so bad I cry.

Why is this happening? What does this mean? And how can I resolve it? It's been happening for a few years and it seems to be getting more painful.

Are you in therapy? It might be a good thing for you to do at this time. Also, most churches have grief support groups that you can join and that might be a help to you. There might be some issues you have not resolved concerning the loss of those people and you don't realize it.

Hi IhopFlop... Not sure if you're still checking this thread or not but I interpret your experience to be the result of suppressed emotional energy rising to the surface in order to be consciously acknowledged/experienced so that it can be released. Your meditation is facilitating this happening. I know it's challenging & uncomfortable to go through but ultimately it's part of the purging & purification process. If you feel you are being overwhelmed then feel free to cut back on your practices or take an extended break - but try not to feel that you need to avoid or resist having such experiences. They will serve to bring about your healing. P.S. the crying is therapeutic so let the tears flow when you feel them arising.

: )