[usehername]

At 9 am on Sunday November 23rd, I awoke to my 18 year old brother screaming at my mom to wake up... I walked in to find her in her bed, her lips dark blue. I told him to call 911. They told us to lift her out of bed and onto the floor because CPR doesn't work on a soft surface. We gently moved her, and I started cpr. <br />
<br />
Her skin was mottled, her belly purple and bloated... I'm a healthcare provider and know the signs of death, but for some reason, I still did those chest compressions until the paramedics arrived. My 12 year old daughter saw all of this.<br />
<br />
The paramedics worked tirelessly on my already gone mother for about an hour before they finally called it. Her death certificate reads the time they arrived. <br />
<br />
After they pronounced her dead, and told us, they brought the chaplain in. Again, I'm a healthcare provider, and I know this process all too well, but was in denial. <br />
<br />
A sheriff showed up, then another. Both questioned everyone in the house twice, including my daughter. At this point, my 24 year old sister (because I called her) and the next door neighbor had arrived (uninvited). <br />
<br />
Next, a forensics team and more cops arrived. They took pictures of my mother, her room, her bed, all of her psych meds, etc. My sister has flashbacks triggered by a flash now. <br />
<br />
After the forensic team finished, they started along with all of the other cops until the medical examiner arrived, hours later. <br />
<br />
The medical examiner took more pictures, did whatever she does, and then have me her card, telling me a bunch of things I can't remember. As the eldest child, I received a lot of cards and jargon that day. <br />
<br />
My mother's best friend asked to hold her hand for a few minutes before they took her, abd the ME refused, in case there was foul play because she was only 50 and in perfect health. I believe there may have been, to some degree. <br />
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Next, they took her away in a body bag. We had to move all the furniture, abd I had to secure the animals while they set up to load her out. Knowing I'd already be scarred for life, I chose to go somewhere else while they bagged and moved her. <br />
<br />
The next few hours were a complete blur. Lots of phone calls. I couldn't cry. Not until all the people left.<br />
<br />
I am having flashbacks of the events of that awful day, particularly of the way she looked when we moved her, and the gurgling sounds she made as we did. I can barely leave my house (the one where I lived with her, the one she died in) because they're so bad. My pdoc has me on three benzos to keep me out of hysteria, and to try to control the flashbacks. <br />
<br />
She was my best friend and we were raising my child together. I was helping her take care of my siblings. To say we were close is a vast understatement. We were inseparable. We were a team. I am now taking care of most of her responsibilities as well as my own. This is just too much...<br/>

[BipolaRNurse]

Oh my God. I am SO sorry. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you, just know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Many ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) to you

[sabby]

Oh dear ((((((((((( usehername )))))))))))) I am so so sorry to hear about your mom and the difficulties you are now going through.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Why did a sheriff come in? That is weird.

[memson]

I have no words.

I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss. You must give yourself plenty of time for the grieving process; there is no right or wrong period for this, only you will know how to navigate it.

All I can do is send huge hugs of support.

[newtothis31]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

i'm so sorry for your loss.

do try and take things easy

only do things that really need attention. don't pressure yourself

Im so sorry that you had to endure all that plus your mother passing away. Prayers to you and your family. ((((HUGS)))))

[Turtlesoup]

My heart goes out to you & your family-please take care I am so very sorry for your loss & the trauma you went through.

[jack123]

There are no words at this time. Prayers for you and your family.

[tipper1492]

I, like the others, feel sorry for you and your family. Who knows, the sheriff's department wanted to train someone, or maybe every so often they do that to keep training on the site, and exam offices. There could be many reasons, but I assume their job is not to show any emotional feelings what so ever. Therefore I'm confident it puts an uncaring atmosphere all around you, but you must put out of your mind what they did, right or not. I must say it had to be wonderful for you, your family, & your mom to be so very close. I'm sure she would be proud of you in all kinds of way. Please have peace now, buy with cherished memories to last a life time.

[venusss]

you are in my thoughts....

It all sounds like a horrible experience. I am sorry for you and your kids.

hello usehername,

how are you coping with things

we're all thinking of you

[Trippin2.0]

One Sunday morning I watched my father take his last breaths....


I'm sincerely sorry for your loss, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[marmaduke]

You will cope, somehow you will cope. Hang on in there.

[x_BabyG_x]

My heart goes out to you and all who hurt around you right now. (((((hugs))))))

[Blue_Bird]

I'm very sorry about your loss

[Basmith]

Hello, words cannot express how I feel for you. My sister passed in October in a very similar way at only 49. We were twin souls, been through so many things together including the loss of two other siblings & our parents. I will never forget what I saw after she was gone. I still cannot fathom that she is no longer in this world.

My thoughts are with you...hang in there.

[usehername]

The sheriffs showed up because she was only 50 and there was no apparent cause of death. They showed up to help rule out foul play.
Thank you all for your support... I really need it right now. It's been 8 weeks and 1 day and it still feels as fresh as ever. She was my best friend, my co parent, my everything... I have no idea how to go on without her... If it wasn't for all the people depending on me, I wouldn't.

[pepper2009]

I am so very sorry for your loss. You have so much on your plate. I will pray for strength and peace for you and your family.

[Angry1541]

dreadfully sorry -- I couldn't even read your entire post -- got to you 12 yr old daughter seeing it and had to quit.

[tipper1492]

Once before I had read how all these police, sheriffs, & medical inspectors arrive and of course it's even more up setting. It's their job to investigate, & the best way to get it done right is the first time. Had there been someone with dirty hands, then their attorney has less of a chance pleading their clients was innocent, and the police failed to do their job. Many times that's the very thing that takes place, investigators fail to do what they are expected to do in their jobs. Just remember it was in your moms best interest to do so.

Im so sorry to hear of your loss

[usehername]

My update: My family has all drifted off to wherever they were before, my sister got pregnant one week after my mother's death, and started school this quarter, so she's busier than ever. My mom's best friend calls me every couple days to check up on me, as I do with my siblings. My brother is on a ship somewhere, occasionally able to update his Facebook status only. No other communication is possible. I might start writing him letters, but it'll take weeks... My uncle went back to Canada with his wife. I hear from him every few weeks fir a couple minutes. My best friend doesn't have time for me, neither does my boyfriend. I'm too suspicious of the neighbors next door to be around them, given the circumstances of her death (i think they sold her pain pills). I don't really have any other friends. My mom was all I had. I'm trying to spend more time with my 12 year old, but at her age, that's hard. It's the only time I feel like life might be worth living, though. I had to take the quarter off school since I no longer have someone to watch her, and don't feel comfortable leaving her alone, or capable of getting home at 9 and walking up at 5 to get her up for school. My mother was still waking me up every morning, and bringing me fast food when I was depressed (I'm bipolar). I have plenty to do, given the massive hole she left in our household, not to mention my heart. I think I'm just ranting now. Fortunately, today is my therapy day... But there's a lot I never told my therapist. I told my mother everything, and she told me everything. I've saved all the texts I've gotten from her in the last three or four years, and we texted every time we were apart. We spent nearly all of our free time together. No matter what I'm doing, I can't stop crying while doing it... I don't understand how everyone else is just going on. But, I'm also the only one that's all alone. My therapist says I should go to a grief support group, but I hate being in groups, other than online. I can barely stand to take a shower because she's not around. We only have one bathroom, and every time I got in it to shower, she'd have to pee and we'd end up having a 5 min conversation... Most of the length of my shower. She was my best friend for 32 years. Now I have no one. I'm having a really hard day today, in fact, it seems to only get harder. And we still don't have a cause of death. She was drinking on meds she shouldn't have been drinking on, and I think my neighbors gave her pain pills. We knew the dangers, but we didn't know just how dangerous it was... I keep wishing I'd have skipped my meds, women up to her stumbling through the house and called 911. But there's nothing I can do now, except keep in mind that benzos + alcohol + pain pills = death. She had done it so many times before, and she'd been fine... I don't know what else to say other than Thank you everyone for your support.*<br/>