[mythorn]

Living with bipolar disorder is a daily struggle for me....mainly on the depressive side. Add in mourning my son and I sometimes feel I will drown. Coming up on 1 yr anniversary in May. No idea when I will stop thinking of him every second of the day. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better in time....but it seems to get harder because I miss him more each day. On the other hand there are those that have told me it is time to stop mourning and get focused on the rest of my family (I was taking the best care of my family I could under the circumstances!). The best advice I've heard from those who have mourned is "no one can tell you how to grieve and how long to grieve." I try to remember that, but it is hard when your behavior is being judged, and you are truly just trying to survive day by day.

[Dog on a Tree]

Grieve for however long you need to. I believe you can move forward from this. Moving forward does not mean forgetting, but instead remembering your son, keeping the memories and the love you have for him, in your heart whilst also getting on with life

Also sometimes time alone heals but if that is not the case then you need something else besides time. That something else is, you purposely giving yourself a self talk about moving forward.

Are you seeing any mental health workers? Maybe that could help?

[wolfgaze]

Hi mythorn...

- Please try to set and keep this conscious intention - that you are going to set aside time each day to conciously focus on and connect with your positive memories of your son, as well as all the things about him which you valued and respected (his qualities, character attributes, etc). Focus on the ways in which he positively influenced you and enriched your life. Remembering to do this is important because often when we lose someone close to us, we find ourselves frequently consumed thoughts of their absence in our lives, or the details of their passing - so much so that this has the effect of drowning out the heartwarming and life-affirming memories and emotions that define our connection with that individual. Based on my own experiences grieving the loss of a family member I was very close with - it's my opinion that activating your HEART-based emotions (love, appreciation, respect, gratitude) is the means by which you eventually TRANSMUTE those initial feelings of sadness and grief. The sadness and grief, which are quite natural and necessary to experience while coping with the loss of a loved one - those emotions experienced over a prolonged period of time tend to bring us down and make it difficult to function... The HEART-based emotions will bring about your healing and serve to uplift you from the effects of those feelings of sadness and grief. So please try to spend more and more time each day and week focusing on the positive memories, the positive attributes, and the qualities you loved, respected and felt the most grateful for concerning your son. I know it's slow-going at first, but what you will find over time is that the more you do this, the more your sense of 'loss' and sadness will be dissolved and replaced with those life-affirming and healing feelings. It will reach the point where when you find yourself thinking of your son, you will no longer focus on his passing or his temporary absence in your life, you will instead consciously connect with the loving bond that you share with him. There is a quote that I like that goes:

"Find a place inside where there is joy, and the joy will burn out the pain"

-Instead of keeping your feelings and emotions inside, consider the practice of writing them down. Doing so can be extremely helpful because the act of writing it out encourages you to fully acknowledge and process what is inside of you. When you are writing you are allowing it to rise to the surface - rather than actively suppressing those thoughts due to how they can make you feel uncomfortable. When you are done writing, you can read over what you have written - in some ways it will help you detach a bit and separate yourself from those challenging emotions, and view them from a higher Awareness and perspective. This is both therapeutic and cathartic. You don't even have to save what you write if you don't want to - as just the act of writing it out is where the value lies.

-Consider exploring some reading material about the nature of grieving and coping with the loss of a loved one. Self-Help type books can be very useful and beneficial because they will introduce you to new ways of thinking and perceiving that you may have never previously considered or connected with. Over time, through added reflection, you can push yourself in a new direction and one which helps you make sense of this life experience and find acceptance for what transpired.

- I found it is also helpful to spend time engaging in contemplation from a spiritual perspective for the purposes of increasing your spiritual Awareness (and reading material can certainly help promote this practice). The general principle is this - the more you integrate & internalize a view of and identity for yourself as a Spirit/Soul having a human experience (and not as a Human with a Spirit/Soul), the more you will be able to connect with and relate to your loved ones on that same (spiritual) level - the less you will feel like your son's passing was a threat to his real identity, and the more you will realize and experience your connection on a spiritual level, which transcends the limited lifespan of these temporary physical bodies.

Okay that's all I've got for now.... You are absolutely right when you say that the grieving process is unique to each individual and no one can tell you how long it should take or where you should be at any point in that process... I just want you to know that I had someone very close to me pass away suddenly and unexpectedly - and going through the grieving process ended up having a transformative effect on me that completely changed my state of being (for the better). I can now report that I am finally at peace with my loved one's passing and found acceptance for this life experience. I only wish to convey a sense to you that you absolutely can heal yourself from how you currently find yourself feeling - and you will come away from this challenging life experience much stronger than you had ever been before. Your connection to your son lies within your HEART - always remember that.

[Treyfrancis21]

I have bipolar 2 and suffer PTSD from the loss of my son 11 years ago. I agree with those that tell you to grieve for as long as you need to. It is an individual experience and no one has the right to tell you how and when you should grieve or when you should be done.

I know it seems impossible, but it does get easier. The good memories will become stronger than the bad ones in time.