[ab1018]

My mom just died in December. We had a very strange relationship. It was like she was always jealous of me.

As a young adult (this is embarrassing and hard for me to reveal, but you can imagine how I felt afterwards) she had a yearlong affair with an ex-fiance' of mine. I have never felt so betrayed. And we're not some trashy family either.

Then, she got sick, and I didn't have the love in my heart to take care of her as much as I should have. My grandmother (control freak) swooped in and took over. My mom used to turn everyone against each other.

Today, my aunt slipped up and said she is so happy that we are closer now, because my mom used to say bad things about me. Then she tried to say she didn't believe them, but that was her reasoning for not being close with me for all those years. She bad mouthed my dad too (they were divorced - she was unfaithful but of course didn't own up to it - made him the bad guy to the whole family).

I think my mother was very narcisstic. She was an alcoholic as well. But since I was the one who sought counseling, was on antidepressants, etc., I was the crazy one.

She used to call me names (horrible cuss words), then get me all angry and screaming/crying, then call my grandmother and say "listen to what I have to put up with".

Somehow, I did love her, but it was never right. And now she is gone.

[bebop]

ab I am so sorry.

Oh my gosh! Your mom and mine must have been clones!

My mom has always been jealous-- so much so that she wouldn't let any of us girls learn anything around the house-- so she could tell us what failures we are and she would get praise from outsiders of how wonderful she is. She gossips and badmouths each of us in hopes to get us in fights-- not anywhere near the stereo-typical "nurturing, unconditional loving mother"...

So sorry your mom was similar to you-- it's hard to have been raised by such a mom.

The psychologist I am a sporadic client to--( )-- has always said this: "The crazy one is NOT usually the one sitting with the therapist-- it's the one that won't ever go!"

I think it says alot about you in that you are able to love your mom. I truly don't think I love mine.... but then there was traumatic physical abuse as well as emotional so maybe it's more than I'm able to cope with.......

Thinking of you

mandy

[ab1018]

I did love her, but it's my dad dying that I cry about on a daily basis. Her death seems sad, but much more remotely.

I'm sorry too that you had that. I so craved that unconditional love and envy it. Hate to say it, but some people should not be parents. (Then again, we wouldn't be here if they weren't!!)