[Canidistant]

Hello,

I'm writing this post to ask if anyone on here has any experience with complicated grief?

My mom died nearly 4 years ago, now, when I was 17. It wasn't until the last few months that I felt safe enough to feel her death. I mean, sure I felt her absence acutely, but the overwhelming message I have heard from my father since she passed is that I'm not supposed to talk about it... pretend you're fine until you are... And when I have talked about missing her, I am made to feel like I'm doing something wrong.

We're creeping up on the 4th anniversary, and I'm just now realizing how much I've had to shut down the pain of losing her, and am working with a counselor to start the process of grieving...after all this time...

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for in writing this post...I'm just really struggling right now...

Anyone else had a delayed response to loss, or dealt with the expectations of others that grieving be over in a certain amount of time?

[Molinit]

I'll be blunt, your father is full of crap. Now that that's aside, you have lost your mother, who is probably the most important female who will ever be in your life.

It's a loss that never goes away but becomes bearable over time, but to be expected to never speak of her or your feelings about her being gone is unrealistic and unhealthy.

Is there a counselor you can talk to? Or a community grief support meeting you can start attending?

[DechanDawa]

You are doing the right thing in working on this with your counselor. Trust in the process. I have same kind of grief after death of family member. The only way is work with it to your own satisfaction, with the support of a professional. Let others work on their grief in their own way, and don't demand anything from them. Just do your own work. Good luck. So happy you have a counselor. That's the main thing.

[cheshiregrins]

Sorry for your loss. I can relate. I'm almost at the 4th anniversary of my Dad's death and I'm still struggling. I know it's something you never get over and that grief attacks can hit you at any time, regardless of how many years have passed, but I'm still having a hard time getting on with my life, living in a world where he doesn't. I think I'm still mad at the world and don't trust it at all. So yes, I think I'm experiencing complicated grief, as well.
It's good that you're working with a counselor.