[SaharaSon]

My mom died about a week and a half ago and I have not shead one single tear. I haven't even thought about it much. I know that this is not normal or healthy. My mom abandoned me when I was about 4 years old. We were in the Sahara and my dad broke his back and had to be airlifted to the US for surgery. My mom took both of my older brothers with her to the U.S. along with my dad. She left me behind with strangers, in a Saharan country not knowing when I would see them again. I am having a hard time forgiving her. To this day it hurts so bad. I just can't forgive her. I mean WTF? She saddled me with a ball and chain my whole life. Should I just write it off to the fact that she was brain dead? Sorry folks. Shalom.

[*Laurie*]

It's no wonder you're conflicted about grieving your mom's death. In a great way, she already died for you when she abandoned you.

[SaharaSon]

Laurie, that was a very perceptive statement. I never looked at it that way. It makes sense. I know that it was the most devastating thing in my life. It was like your mother reaching into your chest and ripping your heart out. Either I died somewhat that day, or she died to me somewhat that day, or both. No wonder I spent so much of my youth with my friends and their loving mothers. It's easier for me to forgive her if I percieve that she was really screwed up, which clearly she was. Thanks.. Shalom.

[CANDC]

Hi SaharaSon. I am sorry for the loss of your mom. It has only been a week and a half. Delayed grieving happens so this may be postponed till a time when you can cope with it.

You may find this article of interest in terms of how you felt then and how you feel now. https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...ional-neglect/

It sounds like you have had a totally unique journey in your life. The question I ask myself is "What has this unique and crazy journey prepared me to do in my life?" For me I cannot change the past, but I can find the life I always wanted to live and live it now as best I can.