I wish he didn't die

Steve had only been staying with my family for four months but it feels like we've known him for years. He was like a big brother, funny and goofy and a good friend. We know he used to do hard drugs but he was trying to turn his life around. He's been clean the entire time he's been here.
But then I woke to my dad screaming early Sunday morning. He yelled that I needed to get up, get dressed, Steve was dead.
I thought it had to be something else, a different Steve or a terrible joke or maybe he was still alive but needed help.
I went into the garage and I saw him

Pale, too pale, the wrong color. His face was bluish like he was choking, I wanted someone to sit him up so he could breathe. His hands in the wrong position, I have to tell myself to touch him, don't mess with the body. His face is wrong, this has to be a nightmare, this can't be real. Look, his chest is moving-no, no it isn't but it has to, it needs to! Can't be real, I saw him alive before and he was happy this can't be true, not real not real...
The poilce come and interview everyone here, they take a lot of stuff away. They found marks on his arm, a needle a spoon...no one knew. No one had any idea. We knew he had a good friend who overdosed and lived but he felt terrible. I didn't realize how bad he felt, no one here knew he had anything. He was clean for so long.

Sunday was hard but it's been getting slightly better. I don't see his corpse every time I think of him but it hurts to see all the little things that he had, things that remind me of him, things that remind me what he wanted to do.
I think of him as some who only moved on with his life. Not dead but just moved on, plenty of people who lived who does that. Doesn't hurt as much when I think like that but I'm rambling.

It hurts. He liked my art. I have a hard time finishing my art and I promised he would be the first person I showed when I did finish. I never finished. His grandmother called and I asked I send her the picture. I'll try but it's such a silly picture, meant for him to see and laugh at, I'm not sure if I can do it.

Hello reapersweep: My condolences on this tragic loss. I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

P.S. Not wishing to add any more to your burden than there already is... but in the professional suicidality literature it is often mentioned that a suicide gives others who may be struggling, who were close to the person who is gone, permission to make their own attempt. So if there are other members of your family or friends of Steve's you are close to, it may be important to keep an eye on them for a while. The experts also tell us it's okay to ask a person, straight out, "are you thinking about trying to kill yourself?" You won't cause them to begin having thoughts they didn't already have. And you may make it possible for them to reveal things they otherwise would keep hidden. I wish you all well...

Sorry for your loss.