anniversary

My father died 10 years ago on Thanksgiving. I can't seem to get past it. My grief grows years by year. I wish I was with him, even though he hated me.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. Are you familiar with the concept of complicated grief? Here are links to 5 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject including a quiz you can take to determine if you may be experiencing complicated grief:

What is Complicated Grief? | Mental Health Awareness

Complicated Grief Requires Attention

Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck | Bonding Time

New Insights on Grief Recovery

Grief and Loss Quiz

My best wishes to you...

I'm so sorry, Calla lily. Sounds like you feel you had unfinished business with him, such as getting him to love you.

I am sorry for your loss. Time does not seem to heal the heart. Finding new places to focus on has helped me not dwell on the lacks I felt in the relationship. We were so different. He did the best he could. I guess that might be called letting go of my expectations.

My dad died two years ago and for the first year the grief got worse until I started reinventing who I think I am. I am no longer my father's son. I do not have to try to live up to his expectations anymore or try to get him to understand me. I am a different person now because I keep trying to focus on new things.

The grief and sadness is still there but I have written letters to him telling him I have to move on with my life. It seemed to help me go a step further toward healing.