Got some bad news today

Thinking of you and your grandma. (((((hugs))))).

I remember getting news like that almost 2 years ago, but it doesn't feel like it. It feels more recent.

I knew it was the end coming for my mom, but I just didn't know how to deal with it. We were never close, so I'm not sure if this made it more painful or not. It was excruciating no matter what.

The holidays were torture, more than usual.

How are you and your Grandma doing Whispershadow?

One of the family tried phoning me several times but I was out driving so couldn't pick up the call, so idk if there's news, I phoned back but couldn't get through, I'm really freaking out bad again now cause I fear something must of happened for that family member to try phone several times this morning, it won't be a social call "hi how are you" kinda thing I'm fearing the worst and I cannot get through to return the call - mobile signal here is a lump of dirt at the best of times and that's putting it politely

I was going to start a new thread but for some reason it won't accept me starting a new thread, just white screens when I click new thread so I'll offload into here instead, today's not been a good day at all, everything's crashing down around my ears again and there's nothing, nothing at all, that I can do about it

The sooner I accept that I'm a scummy turd the better

My heart really hurts now

Today is no joyful big holiday weekend for MLK like our culture is shoving at us. Nothing against the man, but this "big holiday weekend" was the last time I saw my mom alive, back in 2017. It doesn't "feel" like 2 years.

I feel so much anxiety today. I don't want to go to parades or listen to his speech for the 100th time it seems.

It was also the last weekend I last "spoke" to my brother who still hasn't spoken to me since then.

Whispershardow I moved your post that was here to here
as you requested.

okay thanks candc I'm sorry for causing work for you and the others

idk if starting a new thread will work today, have not tried, idk if it's computer yesterday or some other reason why I could not start threads yesterday

I finally managed to get hold of the family member who kept trying to phone me, there's been no changes to grandma's health, the phone call was about something my grandma had wanted to send up here to me and it was arrangements for it to come up here (large item)

Of course, me being me, I fretted as soon as I had her trying to phone several times and I tried answering the call but as I said phone signal up here is complete crap so I couldn't get hold of her until last night after I logged off from here

I wish I wasn't me Can I be someone else please? is that allowed?

believe me, you, you don't want my life. Not for nothing, I'm at peace about my own life, the entirety of it all and everything and it's not a miserable existance or anything it's just honestly...I subscribe to the 'careful what you wish for' mentality.

Glad that the phone call was innocent enough. Would have been more kinder of your relative to leave some type of message such as 'not an emergency but call' as opposed to leave you guessing and worrying and struggling to return that call. Geezuz...

For me, today, no news is good news. I had a flash back to seeing my mom in her hospital room when I went to visit on Friday. My uncle's last message to the family after his own visit yesterday was amazement at how very weak she was and he hoped she'd be awake today. Also she didn't eat yesterday at least not lunch. We're all individually stranded so to speak in our own homes today because of a major winter storm.

I'd swap with you, healing, even though you said I don't want your life and to believe you

Yeah I don't know why she didn't leave a message, or phone on the landline to leave a message ........

s healing

tough times call for reaching out to friends, family and others for support.