Dad died yesterday

My dad had a relatively common neck surgery thursday last week (10/22/2020). He came back fine from the surgery and did well for the next day and a half. Saturday morning at 7:20am...my brother texts me that there has been an emergency....

My dads neck had apparently swelled and he had trouble breathing....he asked my brother to call 911 and then he collapsed....he was unconscious. My brother performed CPR and the medics were able to start his heart again. He was transferred to the local emergency department and then the ICU. He was unconscious for 6 days and we tried in vain to find any way we could get him out of this. The experience left him with severe brain injury. His chance at recovery was first less than 10%...and then changed to less than 1%. They attribute a number to the extend of the damage suffered...the lower the number is better. 75 is severe...his was at 117.

Our family made the decision to end his life support yesterday....something that I didn't imagine any of us having to ever do. I suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and panic. I knew it wasn't good for me to be there...but I was with him along with my mom in the final 3 hours. It was traumatizing and agonizing to be there. I wished at every moment that a miracle could happen...something was overlooked and he was fine...or he would wake up and start the slow path to recovery. It was unreal...surreal...unfair...awful. I wanted to make sure that he wasn't alone and that he went with as much support as possible....It's going to take a long time to heal from this...

I watched him suffer at points and I kept my eyes averted for most of the time because I couldn't handle it. I'm glad at the end he was given the necessary medication to ease him and he went peacefully...I wish I knew what was going on...if he heard us...if he was scared. They are all horrendous thoughts to comprehend.

He didn't deserve this. None of us did. No human being deserves this.

I am so sorry you lost you dad so unexpectantly.

It is hard to see people die and I think it is normal replay his last hours but with time, you will begin to think more about the good times then the bad. If he was conscious enough to know you were there, I am sure that was a comfort for him. If he was unconscious (this might be more likely) then he was not in any pain. I think that you made the right decision being there. Lots of hug and prayers that you heal from this traumatic event. Please don't think that you are alone in regards to it being hard to see your dad go through this. It is hard when a parent dies. With time, you are going to heal. Go easy on yourself as you go through the grieving process.

I'm so sorry.

Hi sky457. I am so sorry for your unexpected loss. It must have been a shock to you.

At least you were there with him in his final hours. It must have been difficult for you, but that is a gift to be with a person in their final hours.

hope you get the support you are looking for on Psych Central. There are many articles here, some of which may be of interest.

Coping with Grief | Psych Central
@CANDC

So sorry you had to lose him this way. Hugs.

Oh my goodness. I'm sorry to hear your dad died so quickly. It's painful to be around someone who is close to death. I was with my Dad when he died. We are thinking and praying for you. My pain eased with time, and I am sure your pain will also.

i am so sorry about your dad. you must still be so traumatized from everything that happened. that was just awful. and yes, so unfair. i am glad you and your mom were with him in his final hours. i am sure he sensed your presence and was comforted. may your pain lessen in time.

I'm so sorry about your dad. We may not know each other but I know how losing someone feels. My father passed away 2 years ago from a vehicular accident and I still miss him everyday.

I’m so sorry. Hug