[BeaFlower]

Hi all. I don't often post about this topic, because it can be triggering for me, but I want to try.
Recently I had the loss of my aunt and I was very attached to her, we stayed together for festivities and often on weekends and so on. She was also quite young and suffered quite a lot in the last time, so it was very bad for all the family. It's a big change.
More recently also another bad thing happened, because one of my best friends lost her mum. I didn't personally know her mum very well, but the fact that my friend is suffering has in big impact on my and the other friends (we are a very close group).
Now, I'm finding it difficult to deal "well" with these sad feelings. In both the cases I'm the most affected person by the loss...for my aunt, though I loved her a lot, the worst is for other people who were closer to her (like my cousin and my mum, who was her sister). For my friend's mum, the worst is of course for her. So, I feel a bit bad to think about myself and want support about this (especially in the first case I feel sometimes to need support), because I feel I should especially support the others as I can. But also for me it's bad. Both with family and with friends, I'm finding it difficult to find even just a pause and a distraction from these sad thoughts, because in both the situation there is a grief going on, also for the others.
Also...in both the situations there was the loss of a mum, and I'm finding this particularly triggering. In the second case it was also very sudden. So, my (probably normal) reaction would be to spend more time with my mum and enjoy her presence. But, in this situation she has to spend a lot of time with my cousin and grandmother to help them with several things, and I can't stay with her as much as I'd want and need in this moment. I feel a bit selfish for it, but that's it. And also, even when I'm finally with her, sometimes I find it a bit hard to enjoy these moments, because I automatically think about sad things instead of just enjoying the present moment.
Thanks for listening. Also just writing this all was good for me, I think. But if you also have suggestions (both about dealing with the two grieves and about spending time with my mum) it would be helpful.
Thank you

[CANDC]

Hi @BeaFlower - I am so sorry for the loss of your aunt and all the sadness you feel. Sometimes family cannot deal with grief. That is when a support group or grief counselor can help.

When I lost my dad, I had to reinvent my life in a way because I thought so much about pleasing my dad and also convincing them to change in certain ways. Exercise, mindfulness, finding new activities and volunteering all helped me.

This is an example of a mindfulness short video that is a reminder to me to focus on something else besides the thoughts.

You may know about these, but sometimes we need reminders Coping With Death and Grief - Focus on the Family

Sponsored: How to Cope With The Death of a Family Member

Feel free to PM me if you wish or tag me on this thread in your post @CANDC

[BeaFlower]

Thanks @CANDC for your reply I'll read the things you posted. The sadness for my aunt is a problem, but I think to can slowly deal with it. The main problem is having these two kisses in my two main "environments", so it's difficult to find a good distraction. And also about the need to spend more time with my mum...this feels difficult to solve.
About a grief counselor, I have my t, though I usually see her for other reasons...now I have to wait a while before seeing her, but I'll try to talk to her about this (though it's a bit difficult for me to talk about this face to face).

[CANDC]

@BeaFlower I hear you. It is not easy but there is a way through this.