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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: United States
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#1
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When we lost a member of this forum who I spoke to every day, I felt guilty that when she was in the hospital I gave up hope that she would survive. She did not survive, and somehow I knew that would be the case. Last edited by FooZe; Jan 19, 2022 at 12:50 PM.. Reason: in lieu of restarting thread |
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SprinkL3, unaluna
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zapatoes
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#2
Quote:
I've had a Catholic upbringing as well. I feel survivor's guilt all the time - though it's better some days than others. It's hard to deal with that guilt when there aren't many therapists to treat complicated, complex grief let alone prolonged grief (a relatively new disorder, even though NOT a new phenomenon). Social support - the kind that isn't toxic, pushy, or invalidating - truly helps those who are grieving over losses. I lost a friend to Covid. I knew him for over 20 years. He died before vaccines were invented. I didn't do enough to engage with him. He also didn't believe in masks or social distancing, so that contributed to his death. He left behind a now widowed wife, who survived. I sometimes feel like I could have said or did something to change the outcome, but such is what survivor's guilt does - think and ruminate about all the ifs. There's no concrete answer - if integrity even has a role - to say whether or not the outcome could have changed. The best we can do is to be honest with our grief, be grateful to the life we still have, and make improvements as we move forward in life. That's all we really can do. From your experience, it sounds like even if you had hope in her surviving, she still probably would not have survived. It wasn't your fault, though sometimes our survivor's guilt will emphasize that it was. There are times when people's actions could have changed the outcome, but in your case, it is unlikely that anything you said, did, or believed would have changed that outcome. It's sad facing that reality because it brings us to this vulnerable place, this powerless place we would rather not go - especially when grieving. I'm so sorry for your loss. (((hug))) |
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zapatoes
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 10,760
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#3
Thanks @SprinkL3
Logically, I know you're right and that nothing I did could have changed the outcome. Sometimes it's hard getting the irrational part of my brain to realize that though. |
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SprinkL3, zapatoes
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SprinkL3
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#4
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zapatoes
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Super Moderator
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Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
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#5
Thanks for sharing @SprinkL3 . I had not seen the 7 and 12 stages of grief. I saved that for reading again soon.
Hope you get the support you are looking for. __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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zapatoes
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nonightowl
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Desert Kitty hates titles
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#6
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It’s certainly more thorough and accurate to have 7 or 12 stages as 5 seems oversimplified for me. ————————- posted directly on site using iphone __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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CANDC
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