My baby girl . . . (Pet)..long post.

I've had an iguana since I was ten years old, I turn 16 in five days . . .
I got her basically because no one else wanted her. Before me, my brother's ex had her for 1 1/2 years. . . Yesterday I came home from school, and spend a good 15 minutes preparing a great iggy salad for her. We ran out of collard greens, so I used a lettuce and carrot salad mixture, added apples, strawberries, and grapes..It took me a really long time to slice the fruit in small enough peices for her, then I misted it with water. I had plans to fill up the tub and let her go for a swim, then take her outside to lay in the sun....
I went to my room, and she was behind my hamper. I thought she was asleep. She had her head resting on a pair of my jeans, I moved the jeans, and her head...didn't move..it was in the air. My heart jumped into my throat, and I laid the plate onto my bed, i creeped back onto the floor, and I tried to see if I could move her and wake her up.
But she was gone.

I was screaming, and crying. i called my mom, who was at work and she said she was going to call my aunt and hung up. my brother (who lives in the upstairs apartment) came down into my room and pulled me out of my bedroom. Over the next hour, i couldnt stop screaming and my dogs were too scared to come near me. My brother put my baby girl in a shoe box, and my aunt came over. she kept telling me I was going to get sick and bringing me cold towels to put on my head. My mom didn't bother to come home early, I had called her at 3:45 and she didn't come home until almost six...they asked me if I wanted to wait for her to bury my baby, and I said yes, but that was only because I wasn't ready yet.
While my brother buried her, my mom sat there and told my aunt and uncle some funny story from a week before, and they all sat there and laughed at her story, right in the middle of burying my baby. They all left, but I stayed. about 15 minutes after they left, I pulled up a huge rock (which Ive never been able to carry before) over to Gico's mound, and set it down. Then I went and dug out some daffodils that hadn't bloomed yet by the roots and planted them around the rock. My dad then told me to come inside, and I said no. He tried to lure me away by offering taco bell. (as if the one thing I wanted in that moment was a taco!) I still wouldn't budge, so he let the dogs out, telling me that they were the ones I had to care for now, and went inside. All the dogs wanted to do was relieve themselves on the freshly turned dirt, so I couldn't even be by myself, now I had to focus on keeping the dogs from running into the road, and from relieving themselves on my baby's grave. I was incredibly upset. So I took the dogs in, and grabbed some markers. I found a mini shovel, and I wrote my baby's name, and the date on the rock, then I used the shovel to uproot the bigger daffodils and plant them at the foot of the grave,laid down four daffodils on the grave and wrote her name into the dirt. then I climbed up on the top of my garage roof (overlooking the grave) and just sat there until almost 9:00 when it was too dark, too cold, and there were too many mosquitos. I never stopped crying for more than an hour throughout the entire day, and therefore I had this huge throbbing headache, and an incredible nasusia. I took tylenal, and just as it started to feel a little bit better, I went back to my room, spotted the jeans my baby was resting her head on, and the big plate of salad on my bed, and broke down again into hysterics...eventually I cried myself to sleep. . .
At school, I guess one of my brothers must have told a friend of mine on my bus about what happened, because I was really quiet, and eventually she said "you look really stressed," I told her I was, she asked why, and I didn't answer, and another kid said "you don't have to answer her, we all know" at school everyone kept asking me what was wrong, and I just ignored them. I told my teachers to explain my lack of homework and projects, my math teacher excused me from my homework, but my english teacher told me if I didn't e-mail her my project by 3:30,she wouldn't take it...I get home at 3!
I didn't get the project done until 5, and it was dark before I had time to go outside, so I didn't get a chance to go outside to visit my baby, and tommorow its going to rain all day. I told my mom I wanted a lot of seeds and flowers as part of my birthday present, so I could plant a garden. She asked me where, I told her out back. She told me not to build a shrine out there, I told her that is exactly what I was going to do. She shut up. now that I actually have some time, I can't stop crying.
I dont know what happened to her, everyone kept telling me "she was so old" she was 7 at tops, and the lifespan of an iguana in captivity is 20 years! I think she didn't have enough UVB. I don't even know when she died, because my room is her cage, and sometimes I go three or four days without seeing her (not often) , but she drinks from my dog's food bowl, and I leave fresh food out. The last time i saw her I had just given her a bath, and wrapped her in a towel that was in my blanket so she wouldn't be cold, not long later she was on the floor, I thought she climbed out. Two days later, she was in the same spot...and dead.

I don't know what happened. . .
and I don't know how long I was in my room, not realizing she was gone.
. . .

When i was thirteen years old, I was very suicidal, and she kept me alive, because I knew no one else would want to take care of her if she died, and I didn't want her to die. She saved my life, and I think I killed her.
Everyone keeps saying "she was old" but the truth is she was young.
Sorry this is so long, but I needed to type out what happened.

I killed my baby.

(((((((((((((Bellax3))))))))))))))
I'm sorry for your loss.

Bellax3

so sorry for your loss

I don't think it was your fault, hun. I think life just happens and unfortunately it doesn't make it any easier.
It sucks that your family isn't more understanding and supportive, but we are here for you.

<font color="purple">It wasn't your fault, maybe she accidently ate something left on the floor (even a few coins could do it). There is also the possibility of her just being sick without noticing or even some sort of genertic fault that caused her to die early.

I'm sorry for your loss though, Iguana's are very cool creatures. </font>

i dont think it was your fault at all you didnt kill ur pet life is full of mystery's death is just one of them only god know when it is time for some one or some thing to join him in heaven along side those pearly gates i am sorry that your pet is gone i hope you find a way to be happy again

(((BELLA))). I am sorry for your loss. Pets are family members as well. I hope you feel better soon. I frankly dont think you did anything to cause the death. Life just has many unanswered questions unfortunately, Age does seem to be the major factor in death of your iguana, and I hope you can accept that in time. Take care (((BELLA))). PM anytime. Soidhonia