I don't even want to think about it

I have no idea which location to post this..."depression?" "grief and loss?" I just don't know so please move if you feel it belongs in a different thread.

Coming up is the first Mothers' Day without my mom. Every time I see a commercial about "The perfect gift for your mother" I get SO ANGRY and SO SAD! I have been robbed of getting to truly know my mom so it isn't fair. I want to yell, scream, cry and just get mad at the world.

I get really depressed because I miss her so much. Last Mothers' Day I gave her a necklace with a rose on the front that said "I love you, Mom" and it has a rose engraved on it. She gave it back to me shortly before she passed so that *I* got it and not my sisters. She wanted ME to have it. It's the little things like that that I miss.

She loved me, I know she did. Even though I didn't get to grow up with her...she loved me. Even though I was a bad kid....she loved me. Even though I had to go into Group Homes and Foster Homes to help with my behavior....she loved me AND even came to visit me once. Even though she was sick....she was STILL a rock for the family.

The sadness has a way of sneaking up on me. I get so sad and then I can't let it out because it may be an inappropriate time. I know that I still haven't dealt with mom's death in February, but at the same time I just don't know how.

On top of all that I miss my BF SOOOOO much. I miss him in bed next to me. I miss him greeting me when I come home from work. I miss his cooking (He is good!). I miss him holding me and telling me that everything will be ok. I miss his kisses...I Miss HIM...


*SIGH* I probably sound utterly pathetic and I am so sorry that I am not as strong as I should be right now.....I just can't play it off anymore.

Anyways, I am sure I will be just fine....I really needed to get it out.

BJ

No, you don't sound pathetic.

I lost my mom several years ago to cancer and I still struggle every year for the same reasons...I just miss her.

PM me if you wanna talk.

(((((((((((( BJ ))))))))))))

(((((((((((( BJ )))))))))))))

Thanks friends. I can feel the hugs from here.

I'm so sorry!!

Thanks Razzleberry!!

I lost my mom almost 15 yrs ago. All those first are so hard on us. It is normal what you are feeling hon. please know we are all here for you. (((hugs))))

(((((onlyme))))))

I miss my Mom all the time too. What I do on holidays that helps me get through them is to make a donation in her memory to a charity she would have liked. That way, I remember her and I know someone else in the world knows her name and knows that she was loved so much and I make sure she is not forgotten. The donation does not have to be much - it is truly the thought that counts.

Grief is not for sissies that is for sure.

Kind and gentle thoughts to you.

im sorry for your loss i can see were it can be difficult at some times it is very hard to deal with and some times seems as if all is hopeless but some were out there is a guy or any one for that matter who will help you get through it every1 here as you can tell is very caring if you need some one to talk to some one will be more then willing im sure of tht

Thanks, ((((bebop)))) for moving this to the appropriate thread and also for your kind words.
I just hope it gets easier in time?!

BJ

Thank you, (((Pita)))
I think that is a great idea to continue to donate in her memory. I started donating for cancer when I first found out that she had it and at first I wasn't going to donate anymore because no one could help my mom and I was bitter. Now I know that I don't want anyone else's mom/sister/aunt/daughter to go thru this, so I will continue to donate!

Thanks again!

BJ

Thanks ((((scotty_lee)))) there are certainly wonderful friends here and it is comforting.
I am really grateful that I have PC to come to!



BJ

bj hon you are more than welcome. yes it does get a little easier as time goes by. yes it still hurts but it seems less, not as fresh. anytime you need an ear just let me know hon.

((((BJ))))

Thanks ((((Bebop)))) and ((((Clyde))))