[prettyjolie]

soo..

About 2 years ago, my little brother's best friend was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 15. First of all, I have to say that it is very unfair for such things to happen to someone so young.. what could he have done at 15 years old to deserve such an illness? I don't undertand.
He immediately underwent chemotherapy treatment. He lost all his hair, of course, a lot of weight, and pretty much his life. He only went to high school for a few months then had to be home schooled. He went through a lot and never complained. He was very strong and took it all like a man twice his age.
My brother and him were very close and did a lot together. Through all his treatment my brother was always there for him. He went with him to hospital appointments and was there to keep him company when he couldn't go out and leave his front step.
He died 5 days ago. He started bleeding from his nose on Monday night and died on the ambulance.
I went to the funeral/cremation or whatever you call it on Thursday, two days ago. It was most definitely a difficult experience. I had never dealth with death before at nineteen years old, and i hoped i would never have to, which is dumb of me, of course.
It was very strange, though. At the service, there were a lot of people crying, but out of all those people, few of his family members actually seemed to be mourning. It was so weird. His single mother cried but very little. She was smiling and thanking others for being there, as did the rest of his family.
She spoke about her son as if it was okay that he was dead and gone forever.. i didn't understand. When i saw pictures of him and heard his favorite song play, I burst into tears and couldn't stop.
When I finally saw him laying there in the casket, lifeless, I fell apart. I starting sobbing and crying, and almost felt like i was gonna pass out or something. It was terrible. I had never seen a dead body before. I kept looking at his abdomen, hoping it would rise, as a sign of him breathing. I staried at his closed eyes, hoping that they would open. It was like I was waiting for him to wake and laugh at us for crying at him.. like it was all a big joke, being the prankster that he was.
But he did nothing. Not breath, blink, move, live. It was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced.
I haven't been able to sleep much lately.. I was bursting into tears every few hours yesterday.. and had to go to my mom's house at midnight for consolation. I feel like a child. I don't understand this at all.
Why did it happen to him? I just don't understand. I dont understand death, even though I saw it right in front of me. And where did he go? He's gone but where?
it's so hard.. My mom tries to tell me about religion and God. I do believe in God but why would He do this?
im so confused.
and sad & scared.

&& the worst part is that it didn't even happen to me and I'm reacting this way. what's going to happen when it does happen to me?

ugh. Just the thought of it makes me not want to live anymore.. why is life so damn tragic?
it sucks cuz i was doing so well lately, so positive and "happy". but now i just feel like i'm back where i started a year or two ago.

But the hardest thing for me is understanding why his mother doesn't seem to be too bothered by it. I know she's sad, but it doesn't seem like she sad enough. I would and probably will lose my mind when a close loved one dies.. but she doesn't seem to, even though i know she loved him and did everything for him when he was alive. i dont understand.

k well i guess that's enough for now... thnks

[(JD)]

It is difficult to understand when someone is taken home at such a young age. It's amazing that he was such a great young man that he completed his work here on earth so quickly. I think that is the best way to look at it too, not with bitterness or anger, though those are understandable and common sentiments.

Each of us has a purpose during our time here. While this young man may have completed his part of it already, for him, I'm sure that those who are left to mourn will continue his legacy. God knows that too.



We all mourn in different ways. When someone of faith mourns, it can be somewhat joyous because we do believe in life after this mortal body stops. To be with God is a far better thing.

[EJ711]

Pretty Jolie,

I live in a small town in Kansas.

All humans are subject to disease, since Adam and Eve messed up in the Garden of Eden, and sinned. At that moment, all human kind to follow would be vulnerable to sickness, and would eventually die.

Good for your brother that he was such a loyal and true friend to this young man.

I teach part-time in a community college these days, and one of my most promising students, is having to have a second surgery on his heart to replace a valve.

Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss this more.

[bebop]

first let me say I am very sorry for the loss you are going thru. death is a natural part of life but please don't blame God for this. This young man's time was up. It is all planned before we are even born as to when and how we will die.

As for this young man's mother seeming not to be mourning..when someone is sick for a long time, the ones left behind have already grieved as much as possible. The death is often a relief that their loved ones are not longer in pain. They are free! I know when my mom was dying with cancer it was so hard to sit and watch her suffer so much and we prayed that God would go ahead and take her so she didn't hurt anymore. I hope this helps.

one more thing. you are 19 right? I am assuming even your grandparents are still alive? I have lost many members of my family over the years. I am greatful that my parents never shielded me from death growing up. I too didn't shield my children so now it is not so scarey for them. ((((hugs))))