[Dee2004]

Hello,

I'm new here and when I found this site was looking for somewhere to share what I've been through. I lost my Father in May to a massive heart attach 2 days after some surgery he had. After that my mother had to have brain surgery to remove a benign meningioma tumor. The surgery went well but I barely made it through everything that happened. I knew pretty much right off the bat that I needed meds to get through it all and have been on Zoloft almost right from the time I lost my Father. I am now currently seeing a psychologist as well as monthly visits to my regular GP. It's been a rough 5 months. I basically went on a downward spiral and am finally feeling a little more like myself.

Since my Father's death my relationship with my Mother has changed somewhat and I was wondering if anyone else has been through this. My Mother handles things different then some people and through all the preparations and the funeral she was pretty much horrible. I was sick to my stomach around her and couldn't wait to get away from her. Thank goodness I have too sisters that were there for her through the death and her surgery. I did what I could but was kind of paralysed by fear and sorrow and anger. Childhood disappointments came up as well as guilt, anger and depression. I felt this horrible guilt and also this huge obligation to my Mother as she lives alone now and around the block from my husband and daughter and I. I don't want to live with her nor have her live with me because I just don' t think it would be healthy emotionally and psychologically for me or my family. I also have an uncle that has no children that has been a burden to the family for 4 years with his health. My husband and I had to put him in the hospital shortly after my Mother had gotten better(it's her brother). I wound up with colitis after that and another bout of anxiety and depression. We have been in and out of the hospital with him and his heart and other complications for 4 years now. Between him and my Mother, I wanted to move away to get away from them both and the huge burden I felt. For years my Mother let us handle most of the burden of my Uncle when he got sick because she didn't want to deal with it. We finally told my Uncle who has plenty of money that he has got to hire some help when he gets ill because we have jobs and families. He can be very selfish sometimes and only think of saving money and that we will do it all. I drove my husband crazy about moving away until the medication finally started to help me to get my head on straight. I had a lot of fear and anxiety and confusion. I pushed my Mother away for almost 3 months. I saw her as much as I could handle. Now very gradually things are getting better with my Mother . I still have to deal with the guilt every day. Today for example I have off from work for Columbus day and I feel obligated to spend some time with her. I really don't 'want to though. My daughter and I are having breakfast with her and one of my sisters who also works for the school system and is off today. We both had told my Mother that after breakfast we want to spend time at home getting things in order that we don't ordinarily have time to do. Neither of us want to spend our whole day off with Mom. Of course I'll feel guilty all day, but I need time to myself to clean my house and pay bills and do errands. If my Mom had her way she'd have us back home living with her and driving us crazy. She knows that I need my independence from her and she has been pretty good about it. I'm am just hoping and praying she will keep getting involved in things so we can all have our own lives. It was so good when my Father was alive. I was finally becoming my own person with a separate life from my parents and family. When he died I felt like not only did I lose him but my life. It's been a long hard road back and I still go backwards every now and then. Today for example I am dreading after breakfast when we have to drop my Mom off home. I'm afraid she'll use the old guilt tactics because we are not spending the day with her. I normally see her on Fridays or over the weekend because I am busy during the week and help her if she needs it. She is only 65. Well, I've got to run for now. Sorry bout the lack of paragrahs and the length but as usual I am in a hurry. Just wanted to relate my story and was wondering if anyone else has been through this. Thanks for reading my post and I'd love to hear back from you. Dee

[cat_eye]

I lost my daddy to a heart attack, too. I was fourteen, and it happened suddenly. I'm sorry you had to go through this