[matachi]

Hi, im new to this, but i need somewhere to vent to get this off my chest. My best friend is my dog malachi.(dalmation) For a while now his hips have been slowly going on him and we (family) were just in denial because of it. Then the other night my mother was driving in the driveway and hit some ice and got the van stuck on the side in the snow. So my dad came outside along with my dog. Our whole driveway was a glare of ice and during the time dad was getting the van out my dogs hips went and his legs were flat on the ground. This is when my parents decided that we will have to put malachi down.

Where this is hurting me so bad is that he was in my life since i was 8 (im 19 now) and the first time he was at our house he went in my room and wanted to play with my guniea pigs, but his way of playing with them was kinda throw them around with his mouth (he was 2 years old at this time). And both of the guniea pigs died from being scared, and on that day i swore up one side and down the other that i would have nothing to do with that dog etc. Well abuot a week later he came in my room and jumped on my bed and curled right up beside me and slept. And from that day on for every night i was home he would do the same.

The nights that i wasnt home, my parents would tell me he would go in my room to see if i was in there, make a whinning noise and then leave and sleep on the bathroom floor. When i was home my parents also told me how he didnt sleep as much and he seemed more happy. He used to follow me around the house and when he wanted to go to bed, he would sit there and make a whinning sound and look at me, then look at the bedroom. The memory i remember the most was when my dads friend was over, he grabbed my neck (in a joking gesture) and malachi ran over and placed his paws on dads friends chest and growled at him. It was the first, and last time i ever seen him do that. Proof, that a dog is a man's best friend. I have many many more memories that i could print down, but i wont bore you.

I left this year to go to college, and the parents would tell me how he would go in my room every single night, make a whinning sound, and leave. He would do it about 20 times a night waiting for me. Knowing this places guilt on my chest thinking i wasnt there for him the way he used to be there for me. We are putting him down tomorow at 12pm, and i dont know how i am going to handle seeing him for the last time. I wrote all of this right now because i cannot sleep. I have so much anger and regret going through my body right now and i do not know how to cope with it. I know a lot of people may say grow up, but he was a part of the family, and he used to be my tool to get things off my chest. So if any one has any tips on what i can do to help keep this off my mind, id apperceriate the help, thanks.

[I_WMD]

Matachi ,, The likely hood , of keeping Malachi off your mind ?? Easier to just sit and cry ,, open your bedroom door ,, and still , from your minds eye *see* him .

And then , there is what ya saw , out there in the drive on the ice .

When this Friend and Family member found his footing to be less than graceful , and the romp , was not about His and Yours fun ,, but getting to the edge of a chair , and putting his head on your knee .

....and I never believe anyone [ man or beast ] ,,,, is actually gone .
Just not as visible .

WMD.