I'm so mad that more than half of my family is dead.

First there were six of us -- Mom, Dad three boys and a girl -- now there are two of us.

My one remaining brother isn't in such great health either.

I've never really dealt with the anger.

I have trouble being mad at the dead.

I tend to put them on a pedestal.

Sorry. I know this is getting old and you're all tired of it but I just needed to say it.

[bebop]

anger is a huge part of the grief process hon. it is ok to be angry at the dead. there are many reasons I would think one would be angry. at them for leaving you so soon would be the main one that comes to mind. please don't be so hard on yourself honey.

[pegasus]

(((((((( Orange Blossom ))))))))

[oksomaybeimnuts]

{{{{{{{{{OrangeFloweryBud}}}}}}}}}}}}

as bebop said, anger is a big part of the grieving process. it's a good thing that you can recognize it and acknowledge it. i've found it pretty easy to be mad at the dead at times- for leaving too soon, for causing me to be hurt. and i've also been angry at the world for awhile, for letting loved ones die. as long as you're expressing it, you're not turning the anger inward.

and there's no need to apologize because you think it might be getting old. we all grieve in our own way and our own time. your friends understand and are here for you.

[SweetSunshine]

I couldn't agree more with our Nuttybuddy and bebop. They are very wise with their words . Its ok for you to grieve the way you need to. And I am glad that your expressing it also instead of turning it inward. Thats when more problems start. We are here for you. We love you more than you'll ever know .

Originally Posted by oksomaybeimnuts

{{{{{{{{{OrangeFloweryBud}}}}}}}}}}}}

as bebop said, anger is a big part of the grieving process. it's a good thing that you can recognize it and acknowledge it. i've found it pretty easy to be mad at the dead at times- for leaving too soon, for causing me to be hurt. and i've also been angry at the world for awhile, for letting loved ones die. as long as you're expressing it, you're not turning the anger inward.

and there's no need to apologize because you think it might be getting old. we all grieve in our own way and our own time. your friends understand and are here for you.

[mysterytour]

it's ok sweet friend and no one will ever get tired of hearing about this from you......i care and think of you often.....

[Hunny]

Summer before last I lost a family member that I was not too close to, even didn't like, and for some reason I just lost it.

So, I joined a Griefshare Group. It was so nice to go to the meeting and have the prepared dinner and then go for a comforting video and sharing time.

It turned out it was partly about my guilt for not caring enough about him but also about grieving the loss of many people (including my Mom when I was 25) in my life, and for many other kinds of losses too. Loss of my innocence was huge. Anniversary dates of the losses is, at times, hard too.

One of the leaders was a hospice volunteer at a venue, who was just there because she wanted to co-lead the group and work on her own losses. It was so wonderful to be able to all be together for the same reasons and find the help I needed.

I want to sit with you today, like people sat with me, in my griefshare group and listen to your grief.

I signed up for a daily reading but I won't give it out here as it has a bit of a faith base to it but you can look it up online.

[EnglishMajor]

{{{{{OrangeBlossom}}}}}
Everyone deals with their pain in different ways. Please let me know if you just need someone to vent with. For better or worse, you and I have much in common.

Thanks so much for your continued support everyone. I don't know what I'd do without all of you.

[FJRPC]

I haven't been around for long here, but I got your back too, kid.

You can air your dirty laundry in my back yard any time.

PC

[Hunny]

Orange Blossom,

Still keeping you in mind, on this one.

Thanks everyone. It's so comforting to know that people do care.

[eskielover]

I know I felt anger toward my Mother even before she died.......for not catching the cancer when it could have been taken care of. The vulvar cancer was a very slow growing skin cancer (to start with). According to the internet, she had to have had it for years before it became a tumor the size of my fist (which is when she finally did something about it.....too late...stage IV). How she could think that was just nothing & say it was only the size of her little finger a few months earlier......denial.

Next anger......she didn't want me going to the Dr with her because she didn't want me asking questions....it took the attention away from her & besides, the Dr would tell her everything she needed to know......yea right, that's why the Dr kept telling her he "got it all" with the surgery & kept stringing her along because she was just an "old lady"......his words the last time I got her into the hospital to escape the home care person.

Next anger......she was being stupid about not being willing to leave her house or having someone with a license come in to take care of her when it was obvious she couldn't take care of herself anymore. Then to top it off, she didn't insist that the social workers talk to her when I was there.....if that had happened & if she had been as insistent on my being there as she was not wanting to leave her house to be cared for......the home care person that was the neighbor of her boyfriend wouldn't have come into her house & stolen all the valuable family jewelry & wouldn't have abused her nor me over the 5 day time before she OD'ed my Mother on morphine & I was able to get my mother out of the house & get rid of the woman....but not before she stole my Mothers ID.

I know there was a reason all this happened for good somehow.....I just don't know what good has come from it as I am sure that woman is still out there preying on cancer patients. I don't think I am holding onto the anger, but I acknowledge that this is the anger I was dealing with for years after my Mother died. The trauma I went through with that home care person & the stress/exhaustion & extreme weight loss I had because of it was all a result of my Mothers choices & my reactions to them......which at the time....looking back, I don't see how they ever would have been different.

These facts will always be surrounding factors of my Mothers death & I will never forget they happened.......I accept that they happened & that anyone's normal reaction to them would be anger.....so I have accepted that my feelings were justified & don't feel guilty......with that, I feel that I am no longer dwelling on that anger......but I will never forget that it existed or why.

I have found that life goes on (finally) & beautiful things really exist in my life (especially now that I am separated from my husband)....even after going through our disasterous ice storm this last week where survival inside my house was a challenge without electric or hot water when the temp was 36F in every room of my house......anger gets put in it's place & caring wonderful people show up to help me survive....putting everything in life into perspective.

Define your anger.....acknowledge what you are angry about.....express it......hold it for awhile......sometimes it helps if it's validated....sometimes that isn't necessary.

There is nothing wrong with being angry....it is a normal emotion considering all you have gone through with your family during your life.

It will get better.......just let yourself feel all the emotions that come to you & don't try to hide them or deny them.....it will be ok.


Debbie

((( Debbie )))

Thanks for the encouragement.

I'm a work in progress but I'll get there.