[jeanvaljean2]

I am a 56yr young female Bipolar/ADD struggling to make sense out of this crazy world. I had been living with my 25 year old bipolar daughter since she had no where else to go. In the past she has been involved with drugs, forging checks and she actually stole checks from me which I forgave her instead of hitting her with a felony. She has spent time in jail-then I bonded her out. I have protected her at every opportunity. I have allowed her to use me and my credit cards and have become her enabler. When she drinks alcohol she becomes ugly and violent and physically and emotionally abuses me. I have had to call 911 several times but they have always discourged against me pressing charges so I stay at a hotel. 1 month ago Kelly became crazed and started scratching herself until she bled and thrreatened to hurt me and pulled the phone out of the wall so I couldn't call 911. Luckily, I had my Jitterbug and ran into my room were I was able to call the police. When they came she said I had assaulted her and I was arrested. What a nitemare that was! I spent 2 days in jail until my son came to get me. Kelly actually lied in front of me and the police and sent me to jail!!! How could she?? After all I have done to help her along the way. While in jail she used my credit cards and yesterday I went to the police station and pressed charges against her. My psychotherapist says this cycle must stop! If I don't do something now it will only get worse. Kelly has used me--excuse me--I have allowed her to use me-- I have coddled her all her life but I feel guilty because I was so sick many years ago with Bipolar that I couldn't even get out of bed and she had to take over some of the household duties. Someone out there please help me get through this. I love her so much. I feel I no longer have a daughter and that it is my fault that she is the way she is. HELP!!!!

[Zorah]

We have a 40 year old schizophrenic son.
The time comes when you must protect yourself.
Eventually you must press charges, as our societies do not provide any other solution.

You have taken a big step in the right direction by laying charges. The child must learn that she cannot steal from you forever, and the physical abuse must stop. It is time she moved out.

The guilt is hard, but know that being strong now will help your daughter in the end. The court will probably order her into treatment, they are used to seeing mental problems, unfortunately. Hopefully they will order her into protected accommodation. Make sure you get her a legal aid lawyer who can argue for this. Do you have free lawyers there ?

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF, your daughter may be mentally ill but she still makes CHOICES. Of course you love her, so hang tough.

Please feel free to PM us any time about this, as unfortunately we have been in your position too, with false allegations made against us & the whole disaster.

[Rhapsody]

As hard as this is for a parent to do please know that you are doing the right thing by evoking tough love onto your daughter at the point in her life.... you were harming her when you enabled her to continue in her wrongful ways and while it does not feel like it right now YOU are HELPING in the long run.

I too had to go through some tough love with my 15 year old son when he broke into a neighbors house with a friend and stole from them.... I personally took my son down to the police station and had him turn his self in... one of the hardest things I had to do as a parent, but it helped him in the long run and I was their to support him every step of way of his two year probation and court appearance...... where as the family of the other boy did nothing and he has been arrested many times over since the day of the robbery took place (sad so sad).

My fifteen year old son went on to serve our country as a NAVY MAN at 17 years old.
... and at 24 yrs old he is going to college and the proud daddy of a beautiful 7 months old daughter.

- tough love does works! - tough love does works! - tough love does works!

[nightbird]

xoxoxo

Down the road, your actions will be seen as 'an act of love' on your part to save your child, I believe this. She will see when she is ready... meanwhile, trust your own heart and intent. You love her. That is all there really is, love... and it takes different forms at certain times.

It is not always soft, and it is not always permissive.

It is, in your case now, action with responsible concern for her life, for her well-being.

When she gets straightened out, (and she will), you both will be closer than ever, most likely.

Be easy on yourself. You did what a loving parent was called upon to do... protect her from herself.

You will be honored for this.

Trust yourself.

Love and Peace,
Night
xoxoxo

[rappacinisgarden]

(((jean))) I think you have done the apropiate thing for a mother. Do not feel guilty, since you have done all you can do for her in your own way. this is what mothers do. there is no measure of love in a mother's love. Unfortunately your daughter has a problem that and needs help. Sometimes, we can't solve all problems for our loved ones and it hurts very much. I think she has a problem that needs professional help.

On the other hand, pls take care of yourself this is the only way that you can truelly be there for your daughter. This means that you have to limit her abuse on you and to herself. It is sad but true accepting that your own daughter is in deep trouble and that you do everything for her own good. Be at peace, since I truelly believe you are brave woman and mother that knows how to be by the side of her own daughter. Your daughter may now receive the hlp she needs. At the same time try to find hlp for yourself and maybe learn strategies on how to cope with your daughters issues.

You have not done anything bad. You have done what comes naturally inside of you as a mother.. Look for hlp.

MANY HUGS TO YOU.... AND YOUR DAUGHTER.