[Fresia]

My dearest great aunt, best friend, passed 2 days ago after steady decline from cardiac complications. My other best bud, a chocolate lab of 11 years turned-up lame in his front leg a week ago and was diagnosed with bone cancer, declined rapidly, and had to be put to sleep yesterday. My mother who has been severely depressed for years and getting worse because of it all is unresponsive now. These passings have compounded the grief already feeling for the passing of all our grandparents recently too over the last year. However, even in this dour time we have been blessed with good news that my brother and his wife are having a baby. So our tiny family springs anew in the midst of it all.

I am a student, finals ended Wednesday. It, in an of itself, was a rough semester. Summer school, which I do need, starts Monday. I am overwhelmed but not sure whether to think, it is either a good distraction or a recipe for disaster. I am making sure I grieve and not holding on to it, but trying to be supportive for everyone too. I have to keep watch on my own meds as I struggle w/ BPD but have been relatively stable for some time. I am tired though after being a care-giver for so many and student too. I guess I just needed to someone to listen. Hugs to everyone else out there who is dealing with the loss of a loved one. I understand.

I'm so sorry for your losses. Congratulations to your brother and sister-in-law. That's the circle of life.

[Sabrina]

I am so sorry for your losses.

[blanche]

I think you know that no one can answer for you when it comes to the decision on taking the summer off from school. Sometimes we would like for others to decide for us but that would be insulting to you. I'm sure you feel like things in your life are out of control so I would not take any power away from you that you do have. But I will tell you about my story.
When my fiance passed away last October, I decided to go back to school. I went back and forth wondering if I had made the right decision. I was not sure if I was just looking for something to keep me occupied or if I truly was ready. It has been six months since I started and I am glad that I took the dive. I still have time to process my grief but it has been helpful to me to learn something new. I do become overwhelmed at times but never stagnant or so depressed that I can not fulfill my class responsibilities. Last Chapter we learned about artficial hearts and because my fiance passed away from cardiovascular failure, I became a little tearful. But at the same time, it was wonderful to hear about other heart patients that are living productive lives despite their illness. Look deep and I am sure you will make the right decision. You can not fail yourself.

[Fresia]

Blanche, Thank you for sharing and for your insight! My heart aches for your loss.

I am really tired at the moment, with little strength, and even small decisions seem so weighty. I think focusing on the future would be a positive step and the class is one more step towards graduation. It also will help for something to focus on and with starting a new routine. Thank you again!

[blanche]

I wholeheartedly agree that grief is tiring. I have had more energy after running half-marathons! But as long as I keep sticking my foot out the door every day, something or someone comes around that pushes me forward; even if it's only a little nudge. It's great that life works that way.

[Fresia]

Thank you for this. This morning is one of those mornings it is hard to get one foot in front of the other. I know it has to be done but the energy is just not there after a sleepless night. I miss them and so much still to do.