[Sally71487]

It feels like my world is crashing downward. Last year was the worst year of my life, but feels like this year might top it. It all started last year in May, one of my really good friends and coworker passed away, she was only 23 years old. She was so sweet and caring and always brought me cookies because she knew i was a junk food lover. She passed away from a problem in her brain. I was devasted, at that time my father had been sick for almost 9 years but had gotten considerably worse. He was one of my best friends and he made jokes with me all the time and always cheered me up when i was down, no matter what it took. He was a big scary guy to all my friends with the leather jacket and full of tattoos but he was just like a teddy bear. He was getting considerably worse with his illness and was put into the hospital in NYC. Me and my sisters and my mom and my boyfriend decided to visit him with our fathers day cards on fathers day. We thought he would love to see us that day. We got there and he was attached to all of these machines, couldnt eat or drink or do anything, i started crying i couldnt believe the way he looked, he couldnt even talk anymore. I grabbed his hand and sat by his side for 12 hours, holding the card in my hand awaiting for him to get better and read it. He said out loud that he loved us all and grabbed my hand tighter and flat lined. i started hysterically crying telling him to come back and he was gone and let go of my hand. he was only 56 years old it was so unfair. I have nightmares every night of what happened that day and i see him there asking me to help him. Nothing got better in my life after that, it just kept going down. after that happened my grandmother passed away from cancer that was just a month later and i was so close with her as well. Then my aunts father who i knew since i was a baby passed away from a heart attack while swimming.. Ive gotten really depressed and ended up hurting myself over and over again. I cant seem to be happy anymore, that one person who cheered me up and played jokes on me is gone and im forced to look at these halls and these rooms knowing he was in every one of them. Its torture and I wish he was here.

[bearchic34]

I'm sorry Sally. Grief takes time, lots of time to sort through. Be gentle with yourself.

[bebop]

I am so sorry for your loss hon. it is so hard watching those we love go downhill. Thank goodness I still have my dad at this time but at 80 yrs old it is hard to say how long he has left.