[-jimi-]

As soon as I'm getting out of this funk, I'll try to call the new clinic to see if I'm listed there, and in that case, get an appointment.

They are not specialists, just GP's but I hope they will take me seriously. I'm about to give up now and stop seeing doctors, because no matter test result, no matter how I feel, docs say I'm doing fine.

I verbalize well, so if they only listened, they would know what I'm going through. The last year I feel like my body is shutting down on me. I can't do anything without getting so exhausted I can just lie in bed and wait for it to pass. I don't have a life anymore.

If this continues, I see nothing else than quitting my one day a week volunteer job and selling my rabbits. I will have to just focus on sitting on a dang chair, cook, eat and get help with cleaning. It depresses me. I don't want that for my life. It's no real life.

"All" my test results are out of whack and I have some kind of autoimmune illness. Now it is like they think I should know that and blame all ailments on that(learn to live with it), but at the same time be active and happy ("because you look so healthy"). No advice is given, no medication except a cough med because for the last eight years I had a chronic cough (probably an autoimmune reaction to the little hairs in your throat that transports phlegm), that is so bad that I scare people with it and I cough until I vomit daily.

I can't follow my friend when we're walking. I run out of breath. I can't do much work, because either I run out of breath or if I use my arms they get weak and ache really bad within minutes. I can't walk uphill without stopping.

I try to exercise low pace. I can walk on flat ground for quite a bit of time if I walk my own speed. That is weird, it doesn't tire me. Everything else does. When I do a little extra, like if I vacuum a few rooms, I crash and I'm incapacitated the next days.

I try to eat healthy, mostly unprocessed foods.

My lungs have been X-rayed and I had an EKG twice. Normal.

The more I push myself the worse I get. I got by before because I took it slow. Now that I'm worse, slow isn't going to cut it. I can't even be done with basic chores before I run out of energy and things pile up. Before I just did the absolutely necessary. Now I can't even do that.

"And I look so healthy..."

When I drink a glass of water, my hand shake. The glass is too heavy I think. My mind is getting muddled and I can't remember things. I don't know what I did yesterday or the day before.

I feel depressed. But it's not like depression started this. I just feel scared and sad that I cannot live the life I want to live, I can't even live 10 % of the life I want to live. I can just exist. And with this feeling that my body is struggling just to stay alive.

Sometimes I think I have something that might kill me, and they just didn't find out. That is how rotten I feel. I've stayed in bed for 15 hours and when I wake up it is with the total dread of having to be alive with this one more day. These days I love sleeping because then I don't feel this. I still have obligations, so it's not like I'm allowed to hypersleep a lot.

The Ritalin for ADD helps. It makes me ignore pain and fatigue. Then I think I'm healthy and that I'll be OK the next day as well. But since I don't feel my energy running out, I overdo it and I end up in bed. So right now I'm not taking it.

I looked at myself in the mirror today. I'm so pale. I don't smile. And my hair is turning grey with a stunning speed. I don't look well. How can they tell me I do?

ESR is a nonspecific test of inflammation or infection, someone my age should not be above around 22. A bad flu gives you a number of around 45 while pneumonia can be about 110. I haven't had anything even near 45 in many years, mine circles around 70-80 and occasionally goes up to 120.

But it doesn't matter. I look so healthy.

I'll give the new clinic a try. I'll go in expecting good care, but if I don't, if no one listens, then what is my next step? Is there one (The new clinic is my last option, we don't have many clinics around here)?

Sorry. Long. I apologize.

[Perna]

I understand your frustration. I have a bit of that; have you had blood tests for specific vitamin deficiencies and thyroid, etc.? I am feeling and sleeping much better now that I am taking vitamin D and a good B complex. The no energy thing we made better with thyroid. I've only had to up it once from what we started me on and I hope I don't have to increase it anymore. But I still have unexplained aches and pains and lack of energy too I'm working on.

Since ESR is a nonspecific marker of inflammation and is affected by other factors, the results must be used along with the doctor's other clinical findings, the patient's health history, and results from other appropriate laboratory tests. If the ESR and clinical findings match, the doctor may be able to confirm or rule out a suspected diagnosis. A single elevated ESR, without any symptoms of a specific disease, will usually not give the physician enough information to make a medical decision. Furthermore, a normal result does not rule out inflammation or disease.

From: http://labtestsonline.org/understand...s/esr/tab/test

[unaluna]

What are you breathing in around those rabbits?

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by Perna

I understand your frustration. I have a bit of that; have you had blood tests for specific vitamin deficiencies and thyroid, etc.? I am feeling and sleeping much better now that I am taking vitamin D and a good B complex. The no energy thing we made better with thyroid. I've only had to up it once from what we started me on and I hope I don't have to increase it anymore. But I still have unexplained aches and pains and lack of energy too I'm working on.


From: http://labtestsonline.org/understand...s/esr/tab/test

When they started me on synthroid long ago I felt like I got life back. It was quite long ago. At the beginning they increased at every 6 months check, but now they check every year and no increase needed. I will ask for a new test when I see the doc. I can't remember exactly how long it has been, but almost a year. Last time I was in for thyroid check I was so convinced this was thyroid, especially with the brittle nails and greying of hair coming back with that intense exercise intolerance.

The thyroid test was normal.

I take quite a bit of vitamins, it took me a while to try them, since I get a lot through food, but I thought I will try anyway. I got the best type I could find for my needs, and it made absolutely no difference.

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by hankster

What are you breathing in around those rabbits?

Fresh air. My rabbits live outside. I've only had them for a sliver of time that I had my problems.

Here are the side effects of Ritalin: http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-9475...1&pagenumber=6 Are you suffering from any of them? Has your blood level of this medication been tested? Are you on any other meds that might interact with it (including herbs and vitamins)? I hope you get a diagnosis and feel better.

[-jimi-]

No, I don't have those side effects. I go to a nurse that takes my pulse rate and blood pressure, and those been fine. I've been trying life with and without Ritalin and I'm still as sick, I'm just more aware of it when I don't take the med.

Pretty sure most of the symptoms come from the autoimmune illness. One doc said I should just accept it, or maybe increase meds for it when I have episodes. It's hard to accept. Increase meds I can't, since I'm not on meds for it. Was on one, that was said to cause no severe side effects, but I felt yucky all the time one it and it didn't help my labs or the way I felt. I stayed on it for as long as it takes for it to work.... Also been suggested Prednisone by another doc (around here it seems rare to see the same doc more than once), but Pred is a scary med that you don't take unless your life depends on it basically. And I wouldn't take it even if my life depended on it.

It kind of ticks me off how some illness have all the high status and millions of meds to choose between, and some illness is seen as boring and the doctors scoring at the bottom of their class get it at their specialty and the only meds offered are the same they used 50 years ago.

[-jimi-]

Yesterday when I struggled with the stairs I remember 4 years ago doing the same. I remembered how I tried to make the last flight so no neighbor would see me collapse, pushing myself really hard. Opened door, stumbled in, shut door and fell to the floor. Got up when I finally could, after 10 minutes or so.

So maybe I shouldn't freak out that I'm getting worse and worse. I must have improved a bit after that to get worse again, so hopefully I can finish off this spell in a few months and feel a little better. It's been a long round though, about 10 months this time, but still hopeful it can ease up.