[Purpledaze]

Hi, this is my first time on this part of the forums. I had a big ankle/foot surgery less than two weeks ago and I am really struggling emotionally. I am so frustrated by how hard everything is... Getting to the bathroom, picking up stuff, etc. I have crutches (which i find really hard to use as i lack the upper body strength) and a wheelchair and a walker, and will be in a cast until the end of August. It's my third foot surgery so I kind of knew what to expect, but life just now seems so horrible. My husband is looking after me but he makes a big deal out of everything that I ask him to do for me. I do try to do stuff for myself but I can't always. He encouraged me to have the surgery now as opposed to after the summer because he is not working at the moment so is around to look after me. But I think he is finding the stress of not working and taking care of me a bit much, which I totally understand, but I just wish we could be mutually supportive instead of him taking his annoyance out on me. He is so short tempered and impatient, and every time he snaps at me I just want to cry. Not being mobile is so hard anyway, I feel like I need emotional support instead of constant sniping. I want to run away and hide somewhere but I can't. My girl friends are either on holiday or busy with their kids, so i'm not getting much support from them either. I wish i had waited and had the surgery when he is back at work. Being on my own would be better than this. I am afraid of just sinking into depression (which I suffer from anyway, and which happened after my first foot surgery). I don't know how to cope any more...

[kaliope]

I am so sorry you are in this situation. It is not helpful to be in physical pain and having somebody treat you poorly at the same time. Are you able to talk to him about the way you feel? He obviously cares that he talked you into it while he was home to care for you. He just doesn't seem to have the skills to demonstrate it appropriately. You always have PC to vent all you want to here. Try the Coping with Emotions forum. You may get more responses. I would hate for you to sink further into depression. You could always PM me if you need to vent.

[Purpledaze]

Hi kaliope, thank you for your reply. You are exactly right - I know he does care but he doesn't seem to be able to stop himself becoming irritated. I have mentioned it to him but he just carries on complaining. I am afraid if I make a big thing of it it will just lead to an argument, which always makes me cry, then he gets crosser because he thinks I'm doing it on purpose (I'm not!). It's really hard. I'm so glad there are people here to talk to. Thanks for your offer to pm you, that is really kind, and I probably will.

[H3rmit]

Sounds like you need to have a serious chat with him about this specifically:

> just wish we could be mutually supportive instead of him taking his annoyance out on me. He is so short tempered and impatient, and every time he snaps at me I just want to cry.

My husband has been very caring with my foot injuries, which did not involve surgery. But even if he's perfect, I know how hard it can be. It's hard getting up and around and not being able to do things, etc. Have that talk. Relationships take constant effort or they tend to degrade. Always have to evaluate, re-evaluation, and be open to making changes, I find. PM me if you like. My husband supported me through surgery last summer, as well.